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female
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*abybear
writes: My boyfriend and I just broke up.. It's kinda a long story so I won't get into it. Part of our problem was sexual. He started by saying that I am super hot..the hottest girl he has ever been with. He would watch me in the shower, masterbate while looking at me, and insist that I sleep naked. I had no idea there was a problem. On our breakup day, which include other issues..he told me he would be totally turned on by me, but then when he would actually be having sex with me, part way through he would lose interest. I stupidly asked him if my vagina was too big, because I recalled the first time we had sex thinking he was smaller than other men I have been with, and that he didn't fill me up all the way. He also wanted to have anal sex with me. Being a nice girl, I decided to work with his size, because I believe sex is different with different people. He kinda indicated that I was too big. I am 5'1" and weigh 110 pounds, and have never had a baby, and I have never had a boyfriend tell me this before. I feel horrible and inadequate! I don't even use super tampons! Can anyone shed light on this? Is it psychological on his part? My ex before him said I was teeny. Is it possible that because I am different than any of the other girls he has dated, that this is all in his head? Or maybe he is just small. The girls he dated before me all cheated on him, and were bad to him. He said he didn't have this problem with them. He wanted to get therapy to figure out why he would fall in love with mean girls, but not with a girl he knew was good for him that he really wanted to be with like me. I was wonderful to him. Can he only have sex with bad girls? Someone help! I don't want to develope a low opinion of my own vagina!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2007): no offence but he sounds like the kind of person that is a perv.
If he really loved u it really shouldnt of maaterd if ur sex was good
its ur personality
dont worry it was probably im that vwas different with a small penis not u relax dont get worked up about it
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (28 April 2006):
 As a clinical psychologist, I would say the man needs therapy! As for your insides...every lady is different in shapes and sizes. Don't be paranoid about your size as most men wouldn't worry about that. It sounds like he has huge psychological issues and you just happened to be a target.
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female
reader, mystify +, writes (28 April 2006):
 well , just to add to list of reasons not to believe him,
how "big " your vagina gets depends on hoe turned on you get, the more turned on you are the looser the muscles are making it less "tight" for the guy , this is the same for EVERY girl, but also i would strongly advise this guy has issues and you offered him the perfect escape from taking responsibility for them by asking him if you were too big , it would be so much easier for him to say 'yes you are than admit he is too small
so forget what he said , i had 2 kids, and was never tiny and my husband has never had a prob!
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female
reader, Babybear +, writes (26 April 2006):
Babybear is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all the advice. This has been hell for me. This guy is younger by the way. He is 26 and I am 31. He was interested in me for two years before I dated him, and I felt he was too young for me.. I gave him a chance when he turned 26,and all this happenned! I mean a couple of weeks into our relationship he was talking about our wedding, and what a funny story it would be to tell our grandchildren that "grandma ignored me for 2 years" When I reciprocated these feelings, he freaked out, and said he wasn't ready for that stuff. He admitted he shouldn't have talked about that stuff, because it made me "go there" when he wasn't really ready. When we were breaking up, he cried and said that he wanted to do anything he could to save the relationship. He said a part of him thinks he is in love with me, and he wants this to work. He said I was to good to throw away. What he really wanted to do was go to conselling to figure out why he was so confused about his feelings for me. He wanted to get help for the sexual problem and thought things might fall into place. I thought it was a long shot, and called it off. I decided I couldn't wait for this guy to figure this out. He actually said that if our relationship ended, he would be doomed to date only nasty women. What is wrong with him? Lately he has been walking around our job (did I mention that we work together) miserable according to my friends. He actually told my best friend from high school that all he wanted to do was call me and get back together. This guy is super confused. We broke up once before..that time he told me I was in love with me, and he wasn't in love with me.. so I started to move on and get over it... a week and a half later, he came to me, took me to a restaurant, and said what he said wasn't true, that he loves me, but had a hard time figuring out his feelings. So I took him back, and then, a little more than a month later..I felt something wasn't right. I asked him what was going on, and he said all that stuff I mentioned in my first question to you all. How I am perfect and his feelings are just not catching up. Is this immaturity? Not being ready for a girl like me? Is it psychological, only being able to be with mean girls? His past is scary..his father cheated on his mother...his mother remarried and his stepfather beat him..and all the relationships he has had have been short, and the girls were nothing like me.. they cheated on him and treated him bad. Any thoughts? I did what I thought was best and cut the relationship. But I am having a hard time moving past it especially since I love him and we work together. And what about the sexual problem? After reading your responses, I know my vagina is not too big. The girls he dated before me were bigger women than me, yet he says he didn't have that problem with them. Can he only have sex with women that aren't like me? What the hell?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2006): I couldn't agree more with the advice you have been given, dear. And No, don't believe the words of a man who purposely lashed out at you. What does his behaviours tell you? You may not realize it now, but this 'break up' was a blessing in disguise. What he said to you about your body was unecessary, hurtful and damaging. This could've escalated over time. He has big problems himself. He does need therapy. Insecurities, no confidence, no respect...the whole gamut. It matters not what others have done to him. This is his problem and he had NO right bringing that into your relationship with you.
People who belittle don't know 'how to care'and trust. They tend to manipulate others..to cover their own lack of self-love, his own inadequacies and 'short'comings, so to speak. So hopefully, hun, you are not too confused and feeling too hurt. You were in a relationship with a young man who was immature, broken himself and he was edging on verbally abusing you. Guys like this, do not stop doing this because verbal abuse is about his ego, his feelings of power, not love. Sadly, he scarred you emotionally and planted the self-doubt deep within you. Take what you have been through, mature, grow and learn from this and don't become an emotional casualty to his cruel words. You sound like an attractive girl with some smarts. Use those smarts in how you choose potential bf's and uphold yourself to a higher standard, when choosing. Never tolerate slurs and insults on your body or on YOU as a whole person. Nobody has the right to do that. From now on...spot the warning signs that someone in your life, is a potential abuser. Establish firmer boundaries and develop a stronger sense of self. Always, always...confront the people when they becomes abusive and please...never feel remorse, confusion or heartache. Frankly, I would get just royally pissed off . Stay being you...but be strong, fight back and realize, you have a choice..to allow his pathetic mindset and 'negativity' to forever scar you or you can just realize you are beautiful and unique , just the way you are. I wouldn't give this ass's comment another thought-it's a waste of energy...don't worry about it..get out there and just enjoy life and realize a true, genuine, caring 'love relationship' is NOT about the size of one's gentalia. It's about the size of one's heart and the ability to love without harsh words, criticisms and meaness.
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reader, Blunt +, writes (25 April 2006):
First of all you are only 110lbs, that sounds pretty small to me. I think maybe he really does have a small dick, the problem is him not you.
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A
female
reader, PrunellaGringepith +, writes (25 April 2006):
 Every one of us is unique in shape and size and I am absolutely positive that there is nothing wrong with you at all. As willwombat said, it sounds as though he is covering for his own inadequacies, both physically and mentally. If he is used to being hurt emotionally by women then maybe this is his way of hurting you before you hurt him. If I were you I would suggest to your ex that he recieved therapy for him self destructive behaviour.
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A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (25 April 2006):
 Sounds like this guy was compensating for his own inadequacies. Don't take what he said to heart. After all didn't you think that he *must have been smaller* when you first had sex? AND you didn't throw that in his face - makes you the nicer person and not physically inadequate.
Stop worrying!!
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A
female
reader, Clarey +, writes (25 April 2006):
 I am sue that you are absolutely fine. It sounds as though he has the issue and is being mentally cruel as well. It sounds as though he has a problem connecting emotionally with women and perhaps there is a clue in his past. Perhaps it is just his small equipment that makes him like that. It could just be that once the initial attraction was past he lost interest. As far as the other thing goes and to put things in perspective, I have seen advice for women who do have this problem following childbirth which is perhaps to consider inserting a vibrator during sex.....which shows what a real problem is! Since you have never had children I can not imagine that you would be anything other than normal but you could always go to see a friendly female doctor if you need reassurance. What a mean man.
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