A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I rushed into another relationship shortly after ending a 10 year relationship with another man.The new guy had also recently ended a long term relationship and he realised that we had rushed into something that was too much too soon for him so he called it a day.I was really devastated at that time as I really thought we had something special. I can see in hindsight that I was needy and clingy with him. I’m sure this was because after 10 years with someone I was looking for a ‘replacement’. I now think he did the right thing by calling it off.A few months have passed since then and we had no contact for three months but recently we have been beginning to form a friendship. I still really like him and I would like it if the friendship were to develop into something more but I am worried that our earlier brief relationship means any chance for us to get together in the future has been ruined and that he now only thinks of me as being pushy.I have thought about talking to him about it but I want to keep our friendship light and cheerful, without the pressure I had put on him in the past. Basically I would like to start afresh with him.I wondered if anyone had been through something similar and had had a positive outcome or am I just wasting my time?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): You are blaming yourself too much. It's o.k. to need someone. There is a significant amount of insecurity here.You really have to work on that, ask yourself why you feel this way. I am not sure that frienship is such a good idea. You still hope that it will become more. It will triger you being "needy and clingy" again. My advice would be to take it very easy with light heart. If you feel you are not able to it, then stop seeing him. If it was me, I would even tell him why I don't think it's a good idea for us to be just friends. And don't be affraid, fear that's what controls us.
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