| A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Help. My ex broke it off with me just before Christmas. It has been the most confusing thing I have ever been through. The last time we saw each other didn’t go especially well, but we didn’t argue which I think had been part of the problem. We needed a darn good argument! I hate arguments and I don’t like upsetting people. We went quiet on each other; the worst thing. A week and a half later he came around and told me he hadn’t missed me at all and couldn’t fit me into his plans but the next thing he wants us to be friends (he said ‘I know you can’t do friends with exs but I really like you). I always got the impression he was trying to hurt me before I supposedly had the chance to do it to him but I would never have done that to him. His ex-girlfriend lied and cheated to him and he understandably seems to be on the defensive and push people away. His parent was diagnosed with a possibly fatal disease just before Christmas and I think this may have been a factor as well. I keep thinking, if you really like me then why are we splitting up!!!!???My family and I went over to his house over Christmas (it was arranged prior to the split) and it went OK. I left early because I needed some time to myself. Anyway, today he sent me a text saying he hopes I am OK, thanking me for coming over to his house and that it was nice to see me and that he hoped I was still up for going to the cinema. I just don’t know if his intention to be friends is genuine, whether I am just convenient for him or does he want more, or even if I want this?!?!?!?Well, he has now invited me to the cinema but I have no idea whether to go. I feel it is too soon to be going out as friends, but since he doesn’t take rejection well I am worried that if I say no I may never see him again. I know this is irrational given that he has rejected me!!!I don’t know whether to pursue the friends with exs thing. He says he has never managed to do this friends with exs thing although he has wanted to but I don’t know why he particularly wants me to be a part of his life given that just a few weeks ago I was under the impression he didn’t like me at all!!! I am concerned that I may hope there may be more to it than that and we could one day get back together and I am not sure how I would feel if he was with someone else and I am not sure if he would handle it well if I was with someone else.I am inclined to pass on his offer this time and say I hope you will invite me again. How does that sound?My Mum says he seems really confused right now. His ex-girlfriend, who he has been trying to get over for months, has started hassling him again recently, and he has been worried about his parent too. My heart is saying to see him - I admit because I have feelings for him but also because he is having a rough time - but my head is saying beware, it’s too soon, etc.
View related questions:
christmas, ex girlfriend, get back together, his ex, my ex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2006): Why are you pining away for this man who 'broke your heart and dumped you just before christmas?' Pass on the cinema, do not say "I hope you'll invite me again' and listen to your head, dear! I understand you still love this man-I understand his life seems a muddle. You are struggling to think up excuses for him...you are waiting for a glimmer of hope..stop doing that, dear. We stupidly deny the truth and ignore a man's actions. We try hard to rationalize why. We slip into a weakened, blind state of mind and this is where the lost, confused feelings come from.
The cold hard truth is 'he' broke it off with you, he called this a day. And one credo I have always lived by: If a guy loves a woman, he doesn't dump her...plain and simple. So do not allow his flattery of friendship and your confused feelings, to keep on telling yourself- 'he still misses me-maybe we have a chance'. Believe me, dear, if he wanted you he'd be by your side right now, he'd be there and nothing could stop him. He's lonely, he's feeling some guilt and this is all 'about him'. And his behaviours are blinking big red flags here..he still has chosen 'not' to be with you, on a daily basis. If he really wanted you, he'd be on your doorstep, on bended knee with flowers, saying 'forgive me, I'm sorry, I love you'. He's not doing that is he? Strength is needed here. You will need time, you will need courage to teach yourself to 'stay away'from him. Do not call him, do not be friends with him. Get on with your life. Walk away, today, and hold your head high. Find your dignity and graciousness and stop being a doormat. Find your self-confidence, find your pride...don't grovel and hope for his scraps and bits of attention. End this, once and for all. Do not feel sorry for him, do not contact him or take his calls. I think it's time for you to look after yourself now--it's time to move on to better opportunities but only, after you heal and recover from this fellow. Just remember if you get through this all unscathed, there is a great guy out there who would love your attentions and the gift of love you have for him. It ain't this guy, hun.
|
