A
female
age
36-40,
*mj85
writes:Hi, I have a dilemma and I need some advice off someone who doesn't know me so cant judge or show biased views.I've been with my fiancée now for 2 and half years and to say it's been rocky is an understatement. I know there is something there in the lines of love and I know I love him on some way and want the future with him but we have VERY different views about certain things and the way we have been brought up.His mum is very old fashioned and likes to be a housewife and do everything for him and be the doting mother. I have been brought up by my mum and Gran after being adopted due to all forms of serious abuse and so my view has been women are equal.When we go out, he treats me to my meal sometimes, sometimes opens the door for me and buys me flowers like a gentleman but on the other hand when he speaks to me sometimes, he makes me feel really small and stupid. He isn't great with his feelings in fact I go so far as to say as far as emotion is, he is almost dead inside because the night we got engaged he just smiled.I have been brought up with religion as a part of my life (I am a protestant, am christened, confirmed and go to church) he is the complete opposite, he even sat there whilst his cousin made fun of religion and he knew I didnt like it.We also have different views about a house and family.I wanted after about a year or so to rent a flat for 6 months or so to try out living together then save up for a house. No, he refused under absolutely no circumstances whatsoever would he rent as it's dead money. So I compromised and said ok let's start looking for a house. Jan 2010 came, his excuse was his car needed mending so he couldn't afford anything for the deposit we put it back to march, march came he got threatened redundancy which is fair enough so it got put on hold then i got made redundant and so we agreed Oct. Oct just gone he made excuses again about not having enough of a deposit. He made the choice without discussing with me to start saving for a deposit and it was also when i had just lost my grandma and was in financial difficulty. We also argued over what size. He is used to a 5 bed mansion which one of his parents were left and has a drive which holds about 5 cars. His older brother lives in a 7 bed house, drive big enough for about 6 cars, loads of land and big elec gate at the front. Due to my background Ive been used to having no clothes on my back then sharing a bedroom with my brother and i now live with my adopted mum in a little 2 up 2 down vic terrace. My mum has the drive, I park on the road.He wants to go for a big 4 bed house with drive garden the lot and whilst that sounds lovely, Im thinking of the costs involved with rates, council tax etc but he wont listen to me and I feel invisible.W regards to children, I wanted to add meaning to our honeymoon and have sex without worrying about a condom or getting pregnant or anything but he wants to be married a few years before hand and now im not so convinced he wants children because then he says you cant plan your future 2 years in advance yet he says the reason for a big house is hes thinking of our future. He has no friends only me and isnt close to his brother and i feel trapped!!!! Any advice?Sorry it's long....Thanks in advance.Emx
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