A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i been with my girl two years now we argue everyday about the exes and she always accuse me of mine for no reasons at all then when that dosent work she starts with something something else is it me or is she the one whos guilty of something? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2007): Sorry, the reason why I suggest getting out of the home environment when a fight seem to be occuring-make a rule with your GF that your home together will be about listening, respecting, loving, and any disagreements should be discussed calmly outside of the home so that the home does become a haven from the outside world and anger.
This also establishes a pattern to not argue or fight, or disagree around children when children are in the home.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2007): Trust issues and insecurities. This will do it.
If the trust has been compromised; it will mean hard, continual work to build it back up. I also will suggest that counselling be something to explore as people who are so insecure and have fears of losing someone, the someone cheating on them stem from abandonment experienced as a child and neglect.
I say when she starts this, just go up to her, kiss her softly, hug her and tell her that I do not want to have to fight about this. I love you, I want you, you are my future, please know this and believe this. This continual fighting over my past will break us apart, and I don't want that and I have to believe you don't want that either.
Then say lets go for a walk to get a soda or icecream or walk through a local garden.
Get out and get away from the home envircnment.
Abandonment is the hardest fear and insecurity to overcome when you are an adult having lived it from your childhood. It is real and it destroys.
I wish you the best.
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (19 February 2007):
 You mean you accuse each other of cheating with exes? Sorry, it's not that clear but I'll answer with regard to this anyway!
It sounds to me like you both have self esteem and trust issues. You don't feel you are good enough for the other one and feel they want to be with someone from their past who you think they loved more than you. These issues need to be sorted by getting some counselling or they will ruin this relationship and any others you both try to have later.
To be arguing everyday cannot be making either of you happy? I know some people like drama and arguments and this may be one of the reasons: could she be bored and doing this for something to do? I know it sounds crazy but I hear of it all the time: when someone is bored, they can do crazy things to have a bit of excitement in their day.
Maybe she is putting her own guilt for doing something onto you. Maybe she has cheated with an ex and is now paranoid you are doing the same thing. I really don't know but if I had cheated, I wouldn't make it so obvious by accusing him of the exact same thing I did (i.e. sleep with an ex). Maybe it wasn't an ex but someone else?
Only you can get to the bottom of this. Talk to her and find out whether she wants to get help and sort things out. If she does, you can work on this but if not, I think you need to walk away. This is making you unhappy and, if she loves you, she'll want to make you happy by getting this out in the open. Get some help together and apart and start thinking about how you can make yourselves apart and together, happier.
Good luck
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