A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well where to start with this one ... My boyfriend, now ex boyfriend, who I was with for 4 years, (I am now 20), well we have split up and it has been very hard for me. He was my first love and boyfriend but we have been through some very difficult times. He cheated on me and it was something I could not get over. It happened 2 years ago, but it is just something I can't forget. I am finding it quite hard without him, but I know I am missing the comfort of it rather than him as a person. I know I don't want to be with him and the reason for this is I kind of fell for someone else at Uni. A lad I live with. We have always been very good friends (and no I didn't cheat), but I knew I wanted to explore my feelings for him and that effectively ended me and my ex.When it comes to this lad at Uni, I knew he had liked me for a long time but he too was in a relationship and we have both split at similar times. We have spent a lot of time together and slept together, but he is so hot and cold with me. I get really confused about him, and I can feel myself falling for him, but one minute he wants to hang out with me, the next he is jumping off the sofa to get out of the same room as me. I worry too as I'm scared he is a rebound for wanting the comfort of someone I know, but I am attracted to him and I really like him. I know we are both nervous about living together and if things went wrong. But I'm nervous he is on a rebound from his ex. I like this guy a lot and it hurts to think he isn't interested.I have no experience with rebounds and don't know how he is feeling or anything. The wise thing would be to talk to him, but he is such a private person he won't be happy about it. I have tried before and it got us nowhere. I just want to know how to approach him about it all and to know where I stand. He told me once that he hates making the first move and wants me to do it more and last time I did, it really worked, but why would he go so cold on me? Anything you can suggest would be great. So sorry it's so long xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey guys thankyou for the answers they are really helpful. My ex is the past end of and no turning back. But your right it is hard as I did love him very much. With the lad from Uni though we have always been close. We have decided not to act on this yet and just see how we feel in a few months time.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (27 February 2011):
 This is what a rebound feels like. You still think about your ex a lot, you compare everybody with your ex, and still, no one could compare with your ex. You try to like the new person, you want to get used to the new person as quickly as possible, you try to convince yourself that the new person could bring you more happiness than your ex. You justify why the new person would be better than your ex. It sounds more like effort to be honest.
It's possible for a rebound to blossom into a real relationship. That depends on how the quality time is spent with each other and how well you communicate, and know when to be silent.
He wants you to make the move because in case something goes wrong he's not to be blamed totally. No, it's the guy who has to do the asking. This is not about being old fashioned. Now he feels like he has to love you, not because he wants to, but because if he doesn't he's guilty of hurting you.
I understand that anyone would feel reserved about living together because it means many hidden expectations from each other. The relationship starts prematurely because you do so many things together before you could decide whether it's a good idea or not. I also understand life sometimes doesn't follow a script. On your part you could make this easier by treating him more like a roommate at first. That would take away his pressure, his worries of not being able to make you happy as his girlfriend.
His acting hot and cold is natural. He has valid reasons to worry since his last relationship didn't end well. Remember your goal is to make him agree to live with you. You can talk about the relationship stuff much later. Just mention that you believe you are a good housemate because you are easy going and fun to be with. Give him a reason to think that life with you is better than without.
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A
female
reader, peace143  +, writes (27 February 2011):
you are young. learn from these feelings. have fun in life but be safe.... life is toooooo short. its always hard to get over the first love. but be true to yourself, dont lower yourself for someone that cheated on you. you are only cheating yourself. good luck
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