A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I briefly had a connection with a guy 4 yrs ago. It didnt end on the best of terms.4 yrs later he tracked me down-literaly and we exchanged numbers. We have been texting to each other for the last 6 months and having occasional sex. We have great chemistry in that department. This is the kicker...he is 8years younger than me, I have two kids, and Im married. He has a live in girlfriend(she is 18)They have a baby. Both of our commitments are rocky to say the least. I have been upfront and honest about what i need in terms of being upfront of what his intentions are completely. Then he stops calling and has ignored my attemps to get a simple reply. Finally after not talking to him for a month I drop a note to say HI to him and this is his reply: Please dont text anymore, he cant recieve them and they cost money. He was nice but to the point. Why ignore my other attemps to contact then come out with that exscuse? It feels like he is trying to keep me from being interested anymore, but also wants to put me on the back burner untill a rainy day. He is very hard to read. He says he likes me, but why the mind games? He knows he doesnt have to play games with me. I just want him to say either "I dont want to talk to you anymore" or "this isnt a good thing for right now, maybe in the future" But he wont do either. He dodges the deed of just owning up to how he really feels. I need help so I can understand what this is and if its even worth being bummed about.
View related questions:
affair, exchanged numbers, money, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2007): How old are your children? are they young? if they are mature adults around the age of 18 or older, and are in college or about to go to college, then a divorce wouldn't be such a bad impact on your children; however if your children are young around the ages of 1-16 then i can understand where you are coming from. give it sometime... if it is too much to bare with then move on. your wait wont be for too long. just focus on being a good parent and making your kids highly mature so when the divorce does happen they wont be "confused" "emo" etc.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I still have not heard from this guy. I have ran into him once in a store. I just acted like he did'nt even exsist even though he looked my way and tried to give me a smile. I am moving on, maybe the problems Im my marriage can be worked out. I don't know. My husband had cheated for many years. I had considered divorce and have even asked him for a separation twice in the past two years, before my own affair started. He says "we cant break up a family." Yes I had this brief affair, I invested feelings I shouldnt have into this other guy due to my unhappiness at home. Maybe also I did it because I want to know if I am desirable still. I don't want to be a lonely divorced woman with kids. I know thats no excuse and the affair was wrong. But we all make mistakes. I do respect my husband and do have a small amount of love left for him. He says he is sorry for all of his "MANY" affairs over the years, but I have a hard time accepting that. My main focus is my children. That is why I have stayed. Marriage is hard work but there comes a time you just have to stay for the simple reasons, or go and hope for the best. Im staying for now. My children need both their parents. I will not continue any sort of affair with this other guy. He isn't worth it, I realize this now. But it still hurts! I'm moving on. Who knows maybe there will be light at the end of the bad marriage tunnel.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate the thought that yes I should focus on my children and Husband. And trust me normaly this would not be the person I would choose to be...a Cheater. My husband has cheated for years and I have done nothing but forge on and make my children my main priority. This side line relationship blinded me at a time when I was really chewing over the idea of divorce-But because of my children and what is "best" for them I had decided to stay in the marriage. Now Im just trying to figure out what my heart really wants. Yes marriage is hard work, and I often wonder do I really want to load. This "other" guy was a distraction from what I didnt want to deal with, I know that is wrong but its the truth.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate the thought that yes I should focus on my children and Husband. And trust me normaly this would not be the person I would choose to be...a Cheater. My husband has cheated for years and I have done nothing but forge on and make my children my main priority. This side line relationship blinded me at a time when I was really chewing over the idea of divorce-But because of my children and what is "best" for them I had decided to stay in the marriage. Now Im just trying to figure out what my heart really wants. Yes marriage is hard work, and I often wonder do I really want to load. This "other" guy was a distraction from what I didnt want to deal with, I know that is wrong but its the truth.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (13 November 2007):
 I truly liked what Eddie had to say. Why do you expect to be treated with respect when you show not a shred towards your husband and your children? Of course your "commitment" (read MARRIAGE here Missy) is rocky, you aren't paying any attention to it. Marriage takes lots of grooming and maintenance but is sure worth every effort. Stop worrying about your boy toy and start taking care of your family.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2007): you honestly need to let go of him. he is not playing mind games... he doesn't want you... maybe he used you or whatever. but he has come to realize that he has put his gf and child before you. and maybe that is what you need to do to. what has happened has happened. now its time to let go and move on. try making ends meet with your husband and grow a better relationship with him.p.s - if he does come again for you... it is most likely for the sex.
...............................
A
female
reader, rockelle +, writes (13 November 2007):
 Its soudns to me like he got the "occasional sex" that he "literally" tracked you down for. Now after all was said and done was it worth it? This guy doesn't even have enough respect for you to call and tell you he can not see you anymore. What a man. I would end it, leave him alone and concentrate on important things like my children and husband.
The funny thing about cheating is that somehow people tend to think that it is form of comfort when there marriage is not going well. Its not. Now that the fling is over, you have 2 times the issues that you started out with. You have your boyfriend who doesn't return your calls and obviously you are hurt by that, and you have a husband with whom you have issues. Too much for one person to carry around with her. You must be exhausted. The easy remedy to this problem stop the affair make an effort to repair what is wrong in your marriage and deal with whether or not that can be fixed. I hope you work everything out, and do not lose any sleep over this guy it isn't worth it. Look on the bright side at least your husband did not find out about this affair.
...............................
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (13 November 2007):
 Every negative point you mentioned about him also applies to you. Why do you either of you expect respect when you live lives that are void of it. There is very little integrity in your lives but you seem to think there should be. There is no honor among thieves and you shouldn't expect any. Why not put as much effort into figuring out why your MARRIAGE doesn't deserve this amount of your attention? When people act like horny teenagers, all you're going to get are flashes of lust, not commitment or respect.
...............................
|
