A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How do you become friends with someone that you still love more than anything and have been bf/gf in a LDR for 3 years??I'm struggling...my bf dumped me 3 weeks ago, because he got badly depressed and didn't care about anyone or anything and then suddenly out of nowhere he breaks up with me. but says he wants to remain friends. He said he has no time and energy for a relationship and is now spending all his time catching up on college work.Neither of us had met in real life until january, and it was me who went over to him. It was amazing, I swear those are the best memories I've had in a long time. He's perfect when I'm actually with him, we both showed plenty affection and did so many things together and even stayed in the same bed, waking up to each other every morning for 2 weeks.I spent 24/7 with this guy for 2 weeks and it was as though i'd always been there. When I left...after half an hour of hugging him goodbye, I was ill, I was vomiting up constantly I had diahorrea I had the sorest tummy ever, kept getting headaches. It was awful, especially as I wasn't going to be home in my house until 27 hours later. I remained ill for 2 whole weeks and it kept coming and going for 2 weeks after. During that time my mood sank soo much, I got depressed and took a lot of it out on him, saying silly things I didn't mean. but then I went and sought help and I'm getting better.but him...he got worse than I ever did, and I don't know why. I mean he's even dumped me, the love of my life, my perfect guy dumped me!!!I suck at being his friend, I just want hugs and kisses all the time and he's almost fully focused on school.A friend said that maybe we both got depressed, because once with each other and realised how well we are together, the result of going home, ended up being whats put us both down slowly.Before I went over he attended classes and did all his work (not necessarily on time). but when I was there it happened to be a break anyway, but turns out when I left he didn't attend all his classes, and did not do any work...right now he has done 2 assignments out of 17. Yet all already were meant to be due a while back. I dont know what happened to us. I want it to go back to how things were though.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (16 April 2011):
 By being a friend to him and also to yourself, you find out what's best for you and him. Love alters chemicals in the brain and when you love so deeply you can't concentrate on anything else. That's obsessive love. There's a kind of love that's more peaceful and gentle, which is to be happy at any moment, to accept what life's giving to you. I am certainly not the person to tell you this. I imagine telling a cancer patient just be happy and live in the moment, it won't work right? A lot of people get depressed and time heals. Some require medication and get better within one year. The best thing for you to do now is to focus on your future and your career, so you have more options to live in any country you want and not let distance and lack of money affect your choices. I am not sure you have to be his friend if you are not ready to let go of him. What if breaking off contact, lifting the burden, is the best thing for you and him?
I understand you had the best moments in your life with him but realize that love is easier to find than you think. In long distance relationships a lot of people exile love to some faraway place, thinking that love is scarce and rare to find. You can certainly recreate those sweet feelings with people closer to you, that's after you totally move on from him. You also have to accept that your ex could do the same in his country. I think the best gift to anyone, not just your boyfriend, is to tell them everything will be okay, and to accept life's ebb and flow.
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