A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I'm at University and I have this great bunch of friends. The thing is they're not my close close friends yet. There is one guy within this group who I really like and have done since the first time I met him, but I still (after 4 months) haven't gotten to know him well. I find it awkward to talk to him, especially if we're alone. It's annoying because I really want to be able to chat to him and get to know him more like other girls do, I just can't. I'm constantly thinking of things to say to him. The thing is, he seems quite awkward around me too, which makes me even more awkward. I really don't want to be though! I'm a virgin and have never even kissed a guy so maybe i'm just really inexperienced?What do you think?
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (1 February 2011):
 Being a virgin is probably nothing to do with it. You probably just lack a bit of personal confidence. I would say that is totally normal at your age - I didn't know how to chat up men until I hit my 30's! You may fancy him but a relationship of any duration is based primarily on friendship and mutual interests. You have got to have things in common or else it goes down hill pretty quickly. If you have ever seen those couples who are drinking in a pub and say nothing to each other for hours...you know what I mean! It would be difficult to find out if you have anything in common around other students. Invite him for a coffee alone to discuss 'coursework' or some other neutral topic. Once alone then you will figure out if you like each other. The awkwardness may mean social embarrassment since there are probably others around when you speak with him. The awkwardness might mean you have absolutely nothing in common and cannot date each other. Only one way to find out!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2011): People normally get awkward when they feel nervous, and it sounds like you might be nervous because you like each other. I find the best way to avoid awkwardness is to have conversations. Be curious, ask him questions and listen to his answers. Everyone has something they are passionate about so if you can find his passion, then he'll probably want to talk. Making jokes is also a good way of getting rid of awkwardness.
I think it's good to be inexperienced. All those exciting moments ahead. Be careful and value yourself.
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