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female
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*tormie
writes: Hi I'm 23 and I started dating a great guy over Christmas, we had so much fun together but we lived an hour and a half away and only got to see each other on the weekends. We dated like that for three months, and never argued about anything except when and how to get together. He is the same age as me and is training to be a fireman while working as an EMT so he was incredibly busy and always dead tired when he saw me, which I tried not to take personally but it was hard sometimes that he would come up and cut the night short so he could go back to my place and sleep. We both said we really liked each other and were prepared to do the extra work needed for a long distance relationship. Then out of the blue he tells me that he just doesnt have the time and energy to date me, and that he is falling behind with everything else in his life and is always so tired since he is either working or with me. He said that he really felt like he was falling for me and he would rather we broke up now because he couldn't keep up the pace than break up in six months when it would hurt more because the emotions would be more intense. I dont know if that was a line or not, we broke up 4 weeks ago and I know from talking to him and some mutual friends that he has just been working like mad and spending time with his family who he is really close to. Last weekend I ended up being in the town he lives in visiting my parents and he and I went to lunch then in the evening went to play pool and have a few beers. We ended up sleeping together and it was great as always, we spent three great days together and had some awesome discussions. He seemed really sincere and I tried to keep it light and not get emotional...even though I think I'm in love with him I have too much pride to beg him to date me!We both decided we have too much going on in our lives to have a long distance relationship, (although I would have found a way to make the effort) and decided to still be friends. I left on good terms expecting to hear from him soon. Its been three days and I havent heard a word so now I'm really confused I didn't see the weekend as a "booty-call" but I'm wondering if he did now. From the things he said and they way he acted I was sure that he had missed me and was second guessing himself for breaking up...but now I have no clue what to think. I havent called him, since I was the one who called to get together for the weekend..it was supposed to be lunch but we ended up hanging out and having fun for 3 days so am I stupid to want more and expect him to call and want to hang out again or could he really be interested again? Any advice would be great so far im sticking to the age old wisdom..."dont call him!!" Thanks :)
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broke up, christmas, long distance Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2007): The same thing has happened to me. My ex and I broke up a year ago because we were going to be very far from each other and decided it would be too hard. After not seeing each other for a year we decided to meet up when he was down in my home town and we had a wonderful weekend together. It was like we had never broken up. We decided to try things again and then he went back home and I didn't hear from him for a whole week. You can imagine my disappointment. When i did get ahold of him he said he couldn't handle long distance. He was just too immature. And perhaps your guy is also too immature to deal with a serious relationship (which we all know is tough) and a long distance relationship (which is even tougher). Since you both decided to stay friends maybe he doesn't want to call you yet because he feels that if he calls too soon it will seem like you're in a relationship. Maybe he wants things to look "friendly." It's hard to see someone that you love as a friend but you have to remember that that is what you are, his friend. And having the friend title means calling once a week (maybe) and shorter phone calls. My advice to you is to call him up. See what he's up to and listen to his tone of voice. This sometimes gives away how people really feel for you. If the conversation goes well tell him to give you a call next time since you called him and you don't want to be a bother. If he cares enough for you he will call you the next time. If he doesn't call within 3 weeks forget him. Good luck. =)
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2007): I have been in the same situation as yourself.I was in a long distance relationship for 4 years, he split with me for similar reasons, work commitments and college. we always had a fantastic time together, so it came as a shock when he ended it. For me things were going perfectly. I didn't contact him for a week, and when I did he said he was with someone else. I couldn't understand this as we had such a wonderful time together.I have tried contacting him over the last two and a half months, the occassional text to ask how he is and the odd phone call. He hasn't replied to any which has left me feeling quite sad as he doesn't seem to value the friendship we had as much as I do. So yesterday I thought I'd give him a call just to see how he was doing, bearing in mind it is Easter and my birthday soon but his number was unobtainable.Don't phone him or text, you will be disappointed like me if he doesn't respond, if he really wants to get back with you let him do the chasing.
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