A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been friends with this girl for a few years now. we've not been close but always shared a strange attraction. Anyway, we both are recently single, but she's still living with her physically and emotionally abusive ex for about another week from now when she's supposed to move out. she's told me she's absolutely over the relationship and not looking to ever go back. she just has to get her stuff out and move on.We began talking on the phone and texting constantly all day practically every day for a week now. we've both expressed to each other there's a real connection and we really like the other and are really interested in getting to know about the other further. We even stayed up talking til 4 am on the phone the other night. We are supposed to have our first date tonight but she started acting funny last night. i think her ex began saying really hurtful things and really emotionally beating her down. and i think it paid a toll on her. usually she's been really bubbly and sweet with me. then she just stopped and seemed really down in the dumps.She still sent me a good morning text like she's been doing all week, but rather than being flirtatious and cute, she was just so blah. I asked her if she was okay and if she needed to talk. she said she was just upset but she'd be alright. I asked her if she felt she needed me to back off til everything got straightened out and she was out of the house. she said no, but asked if we could just stay friends for right now. I was really bummed but i said sure. she said she just didn't want to not be able to be emotionally there for me. I told her i understood. but now i'm really pretty bummed. I don't know what to make of this situation. is that her way of blowing me off and saying she lost interest? or is that her way of trying to be fair to me in hopes of us having a future? please, advice would be great. thank you.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (6 July 2011):
 You have not been close and have not been in a dating situation with her.
She had a bad day. People do that. Do not read too much into it.
It is unrealistic for people to be "on" (cute, flirty, electrifying, etc. ) ALL the time.
Have a few dates first and THEN see if there is chemistry.
HOWEVER, keep in mind that dating someone right after a break up like that may make you the REBOUND guy.
She may not have healed after this hurtful relationship, and if you are in the picture, you are going to have to be a witness to this very necessary process. She may not be ready to give herself emotionally and her comment reflects that.
My suggestion if you are hopeful for a real relationship..back off, be her friend, let her get her shit together....THEN ask her out and be the gentlemanly date that she really needs.
A
female
reader, sammy1986  +, writes (6 July 2011):
i would say she is being fair she has been totally honest with you i bet when she moves out from her ex she will be a lot happier and you will probably go on the date just be there for her be a friend for now as this sounds like it is what she needs more than anything at the moment
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