A
female
age
30-35,
*ayrenh5002
writes:My question's about dating.I've been dating this lady, since early February, and we've met when restrictions allowed.Luckily our province and town hasn't been hit badly by lockdowns or that... just masks and social distancing.However, some of my friends are concerned about this, probably because I've only ever met her in low-stakes, fun situations and no idea how she handles stress.Some think it's strange I didn't even have a video date with her; but to neither of us, we didn't think of it.Who's right or wrong here, is COVID / pandemic a stress-test for dating even in the early stages and should I start to worry about it?As it is, she's a nice gal, great lady.Someone on here said: Imagine that you had gotten to to know each other when everything was rosy. You wouldn't have know how she deals with stress.But are they right?I'm not suggesting we both go into stressful situations for the sake of it, but we're certainly not at the stage of living together and having kids, nowhere near it yet.But we are exclusive; that's certain.However, we've also got a second problem, despite both of us identifying as queer, and being very girly queer at that, we struggle to fit into the LGBT community near us.It's not obvious to most people we're queer; we don't advertise it and our sexuality isn't the main part of who we are.I work in car sales, she works in marketing, neither of which are well-known for their links to LGBT communities and I wonder if we feel left out due to that?Before now, we'd never thought much of participation in the LGBTQ community. We don't really know much about it but had never thought of it as an issue.Sorry this is so long and rambling, nearly 2am as I write this.Looking for some help from you guys. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (12 April 2022):
 1. Video "dating" works for some, for others, it might not be a "thing". So no worries there. You two have to move forward however you two feel it works ORGANICALLY. There isn't a "this is how everyone dates" set in stone set of rules.
2. " is COVID / pandemic a stress-test for dating "
It depends. Are you majorly stressed over it? Did you have a lot of life-changing experiences during the worst of it? For many, life is the same, but different. Some of us try to just roll with the "punches". To make it work. So I'd say, no it's not a stress test. But it can show you a side of your partner you didn't know before.
3. "Imagine that you had gotten to to know each other when everything was rosy. You wouldn't have know how she deals with stress." Well, that MIGHT be true. But most people are still going to experience the "honeymoon phase" even during the "plague". And if life hasn't changed drastically for you and her, you still might not know how she deals with stress.
4. Some things about a partner you learn over time. The more time you spend together (I'd say in person) the more you get to see and know about her. (versus just through calling and texting) Just might have to take your time. It's still VERY early days. Go slow. Enjoy the "getting to know you phase".
5. As for the LGBT community, you say - "we don't advertise it and our sexuality isn't the main part of who we are."
Well, that might BE why you don't "fit in". Because you don't make your whole personality about that. I know from my daughter who is at Uni that there are a couple of LGBT communities there and they are well, both kind of hostile to certain groups.
With any community organization, you can end up feeling like it's not a good fit for you. Like, let's say a sports club or heck, even a book club. It comes down to personalities and interests. While you might SHARE the same sexual orientation as some of the LGBT members, you might not share anything else with them. That's life.
Live your life as you two feel works for you. You might be a "square peg" and the LGBT Community (in your area) might be full of "round holes". So, not a good fit. That doesn't mean you can't support them if you want to. But you CAN pick and choose what you want to participate in, if at all.
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