A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a 36 years old female and seeing a man 58. We started this semi-affair 5 years ago. He ended things abruptly about 2 years in saying one of his five sons felt really uncomfortable with it. (the middle of the 5 and only one who doesnt live on his own)This was truly heart breaking to me but he kinda shrugged it off and moved on very quickly and even moved in with a woman his age. She contacted me to say he is screwed up and I can have him he doesn't know how to be a man to a woman.I assume she wanted a ring and he has had 2 bad marriages so wasn't going for #3.I was with someone again myself but when you made this call it pretty much destroyed my relationship because my man felt I wanted this older guy all along. Recently we got together 3 times and every feeling for him came rushing back. Our sex life is better than anything in my past, he says the same is true for him... but now we are a "secret" from his son.I have kiagesages 10-14 and he has 5 sons ages 23-37 with the 27 year old being the issue.I do love him and think I could spend the rest of my life loving him and doing everything to care for him and make him happy. My kids love that I am happy again, just having him in my life. How do I make this son #1 get a life of his own or #2 just let me love his Dad? My life is so amazingly happy and complete with him and everyone in our lives seems to say the age is a problem but I wouldn't care if I have to take care of him in 10-20 years..he makes me truly happy just being with him and doing for him nocan anCan anyone suggest ways to help me make him and his son realize that we are good for eachother and I won't hurt his Dad and the age gap is just numbers... we have 8great kids we won't more and loving him is the greatest part of my life aside from my pride and joy of my kids who have met him and see him as a cool friend of moms.Losing him before truly hurt me to my soul, I dont want to lose him again. Having gone to the house to see him these few times, i see he has kept alot of things I got him because I loved them or they had special meaning to me... seeing they survived the girlfriend years am I reading too much into it thinking he has feelings he is fighting againt because of his love and loyalty to his son? How do I help him see that someday his son will have someone and he is letting life slip by him waiting for his sons life to happen? Am I wrong to try to hold on to this again? Any advise to keep him happily in my life without having to be his secret would be appreciated.Sincerely, his, Princess PITA (Pain in the Ass)
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female
reader, Jackie10  +, writes (2 July 2013):
To me, this may happen. Some parents are controlled by their children. I had this experience before, and couldn't get serious with the man because of his grown up son. This situation may end up with divorce.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 June 2013):
 I'm an older woman with a younger male partner (now husband) and to be honest if my grown children did not like it, I would tell them to "get over it" since I do not live my life to please my children.
The fact that he "hides behind his child" tells me he's using the child as a way to keep you at a distance.
If he really wanted to do something he would tell his grown son to deal with it and accept it as parents often do things kids don't like and as our children they have to learn to deal with it.
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A
female
reader, Got Issues +, writes (16 June 2013):
 I'd say go for it because the son is 27 and quite frankly can butt out of it, but the fact that he's already broken up with you abruptly once because the same adult son had a problem with it is a red flag.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (15 June 2013):
 You are 36 Y.O..... are enamoured of a man age 58... and his 27 Y.O. son (who lives with "Daddy") is putting the kibosh on your's and his being together?.... seeing one-another?????
I see a doting "Father".... who has a son who hasn't (and hasn't needed to.... Daddy keeps him) grown up .... and YOU, Dear Lady, are the woman who stands to get badly hurt by this insufferable combination...
That said... do you REALLY want to make time/a life with a man who has had ".... 2 bad marriages..."? ... and who lets his son dictate his life decisions????? I wouldn't.
Good luck..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2013): You can't force approval out of anyone. You can coax him to draw a truce; but to put it in a nutshell, the hell with his opinion. Get a life!If he was a younger child, his feelings would be very important. However; his "approval" is of no consequence. If his father, a 58 year-old man, can be over-ruled by a 27 year-old son; I have to question who is the real father between the two? Teenagers can act up, get into trouble, and cause a rift between parents. That's their leverage, you have parental responsibility for them.Parents don't get manipulated by their adult children unless they want to be. There is absolutely no logical reason why his son has so much power over what he does. I just don't buy this bull!That son has some sort of leverage, and you need to find out what it is. It ain't love. I don't believe he has as much to do with it, as your boyfriend claims.Emotional blackmail from a grown son just isn't the source of your problem here. He just doesn't like you. That's the extent of it. He probably never will. So what? He doesn't plan on seeing his inheritance divided between himself, four brothers, you, and two kids. That's his only concern here. You'll clean his dad out if you decide to divorce him, and he is gun-shy for his dad's sake.A full grown adult can be told to hit the pavement and that's the end of it. Get your broom and your flying monkeys and skedaddle!My opinion is the son is being used as a scapegoat; to keep you at a safe distance. So you don't get matrimonial fever.You've got stars in your eyes and talking about living a life-time together. That ain't gonna happen. You're a long-term, live at your own residence, and raise-you-own-kids girlfriend. Dad just isn't planning on raising another family; nor getting hitched for a third time. He wants to walk when he's had enough. Daddy wants a clean break when things go south.Plain and simple.
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A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (15 June 2013):
 I have a child similar and other critics as well. They dont like or approve of anybody I really want to be with or like. I sum it up as misery love company. I just tell my child I have to be loved and happy pleasure principles. Then the odd part of the scenario is if Im with someone not to good for me or not treating me right they have nothing to say. They also act like I suppose to be putting up with someones crap that I don't like. Also a crafty person mentioned on day when someone is in you life. Tell them don't run my business get some of you own..just tell the son the critic dont run my business. Put emphasis on my. As for it being secret that wont happen people can tell when your in happy relations. No matter how you try to keep it hush or secret. If this guy makes you happy just do it he pleased with you too. This sounds like a good healthy relationship so make it happen.
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