A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:we have been in a relationship for 4 months and we are not comfortable. we just dont share personal stuff and even if i try to ask he changes the topic and he never even asks me anything personal maybe its due to lack of communication but we are not emotionnaly close. i dont know what to do. we are physically close but not emotionaly plz help Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2007): A relationship has to work both ways. It has to be both, if not it fails. Its good that you are having these feelings early on into the relationship, it could escalate into something awful if u let it continue. He probably makes out that you're being needy or these questions are weird (hes prob good-looking and u don't want to lose that). If you are not emotionally close then its a dead relationship. Don't try and change him, if hes not giving you the care and attention you deserve then he is not the right one for you, you will meet far better and just as attractive (more so!) men than what you describe. If you find it hard to think of the last nice thing he did for you, you are better off without him.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2007): Everyone is different, everyone has there different ways of voicing their personal opinions and feelings.
In this case your boyfriend may just not feel comfortable discussing personal stuff with him, perhaps he has had a troubled past which he'd rather forget? You're thinking to your self "but, relationships are all about sharing and trust?" - yes this is entirely true, but somethings are not comfortable to discuss.
You say you're not emotionally close, but to be in a relationship for 4 months you *have* to have some form of emotional closeness - for example; if hes ill - do you worry, or want to help? When you're ill, does he sympathise with you? Do you share close cuddles, go out for dinner? All of which are about emotions, not about physical closeness (such as sex).
Perhaps if you want to discuss personal topics, talk about funny things that have happened in the past such as childhood memories, college experiences and such - something he can personally relate to.
Perhaps he doesn't feel comfortable just yet, some people take a long time to fit into relationships maybe because of their past (being messed around etc) and just don't feel ready yet to release all their life woes onto you. Time will tell, and if you really do get fedup with not feeling trusted by your partner - just talk to him, sit down - go out for lunch and talk about why it worries you.
Ryan
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