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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Hi,I am 31 and I have had real trouble with trust issues in all my previous relationships, ie I think I'm going to be cheated on or dumped all the time. I am now with a wonderful man(been together 6 months but v in love) who I will marry because he is all I have ever wanted but somehow I think he is going to cheat on me at some point in future as i may not hold his interest forever. I am especially when he will go away to China on his own with our Kung-fu club in November. I know I have issues with low self-esteem and poor confidence and I desperately want to overcome this as i feel it's linked to not trusting him, in the past I have cheated on my ex's simply 'cause I was so insecure and convinced myself they had or would at some point do it to me! My current man gives me no sign of this and is very loving and understanding he is like me and thinks i may cheat on him! He too has cheated on his ex but like me really regrets it. We talk about us both being paranoid and we do realise we cant be together 24/7 etc but how can I/we learn to relax and trust more?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AngelofLove  +, writes (9 January 2007):
 Being paranoid does not ensure that one is going to be faithful or not.
Trust issue pushs people away not together. You may share this problem in common which you both need to work on together.
If you really love someone, you do not need to feel constantly entertained by them. So if he cheats on you it is not going to be because you did "not hold his interest forever".
You need to focus your energy on enjoying life together and separatly. Positive thinking and personal happiness will make you better company for each other.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2007): Trust comes with time and patience and understanding. You have to build on it. But it does come and can't be rushed overnight. I think the two of you have probably got some issues from the past that maybe need burying. Not everyone is the same and you will both learn to trust each other. Just enjoy each other now and the trust thing will come.
Take care
xx
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