A
female
age
51-59,
*ngel66
writes:Hi Guys, I'm hoping someone out there can give some advice. Cutting a very long story short my husband of 10 years left me on new year's eve in 2006. I was then a mature uni student and half way through my degree. At first he agreed to a 2 year separation and let me stay in the house till I got myself sorted. Unfortunately the other lady pulled on his heart strings and so he wanted a quicker divorce and I was forced to sell the house. I was very badly hurt at the time, I was depressed and very sad at losing my husband and home. We didn't have much contact but a year to the day by chance we bumped into each other. We talked for a couple of hours and this seemed to clear things up. Nearly another year later he sent me a text telling what a mess he'd made of things and hadn't realised how special our relationship had been and how he would always love me and missed me. Although I was in a different place I always loved him.Anyho, a few months later their relationship was finished and we had become friends. Friendship soon turned to lovers and we were happy again...Except.. he lets her stay in the house that he bought with her and says that she can stay there for a couple of years. This hurts and haunts me cos I'd just like ths lady out of our lives so we can move on but he tells me to mind my own business and that it's nothing to do with me? He says I'm being unreasonable not to be able to wait until the housing market settles. that its all in my head that he dosen't love and I should just get over it but I feel really hurt and I'm I really wrong to want to move on? To rid her from my life? Do I need to just get over it? This is destroying our relationship again and this saddens me. Anyone got any good advice please?? Thanks
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depressed, divorce, his ex, move on, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, angel66 +, writes (15 August 2008):
angel66 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, thanks for that. Just to clarify though that were married for 10 years and he left me for this other woman who he was with for just under 2 years. He left her and we started seeing each other again, which we have been doing for about 6 months. He says he's scared cos he thinks he has jumped in too quickly (again) and my love scares him, that I am supposed to be to full on and emotional? But in my defense my feelings never changed for him, I still love him as much as I did when I was married to him. Yes, he hurt when he left me but I moved on and got on with life. He started all this by sending me a 10 page text of how he felt about me! Same old story I suppose now he's got me, he doesn't really know if that's what he wants and I get hurt again :o(I'm not sure he deserves my love, not sure why things get so complicated. I thought he missed me and loved me like he said now I don't know? Seems he thought the grass was greener on the otherside got there and it wasn't, then thought he'd go back to the grass he thought wasn't so green, got back and then thought NO that's not greener either!!??
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2008): For one I can't understand how your feelings 'scare him' Your married for godsake, your feelings can't get any stronger.
To answer your question, no I don't think he knows what he wants. I think it was just a excuse saying that - I think he wants to work his head around something.
I suggest you help him back up his mind. You either leave him totally, move on and find someone who won't mess you around. Or you say it out straight what you've told us, and tell him to make his mind up.
It will hurt, but at least there would be an end to this.
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A
female
reader, angel66 +, writes (14 August 2008):
angel66 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your words of wisdom but I fear they have come to late :o( we went to RELATE and it was a complete disaster!! He now just wants to be friends and can't understand why i don't? I told its because I have too many feelings for him and he says that scares him?? But he won't let me go. Still texts and still comes to see me and take me out?? God too many mixed messages for me to cope with I tell ya. I don't think he knows what he wants or maybe he does but too scared to let go.
A question for any guy out there... how do you love someone one minute, tell them they're beautiful, how much you love them, want to be with them every moment etc etc and then one thing just blows it all away?? I don't understand??
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2008): Examine your hurt. You may find that this hurt stems from the fact that he pushed you out of the house for this other woman and now will not do the same to her for you. Take heart. Try looking at things from a different perspective ... he obviously learned that what he did to you was wrong because he is unwilling to do it to someone else. Enjoy this new sensitive side to your man. Unless he is over there with her and doing things with her, try to let it go.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2008): Quite alright. Tis my job =P
2 years is a bit much and as I said you need to come to an agreement, including that other woman but I suggest you talk to your boyfriend seperatley first otherwise she'll worm her way in to convince him to stay forever!
That wouldn't be good...
Good luck and yeah, let us know how it goes...
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A
female
reader, angel66 +, writes (14 July 2008):
angel66 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi thank you for your input and you are quite right. It is a complicated alright. But we are going to RELATE tomorrow and they will help us at least in talking through the baggage and hopefully guide in the right direction, which ever way this may take us. I'm not objecting to her staying a bit longer just not 2 years. But this lady was very unkind to me and I did and said nothing to her, I don't like her very much and would just like her out of my lie for good! I'm a woman and we don't like cheating sisters and have the 'woman scorn' thing going off!? lol. But I'll let you know how it goes. Thank you again, I really appreciate your time and kindness.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2008): I don't know how I can help as I don't think others can - this is due to no one yet answering your question.
Well you are in a pickle aren't you!! No worries, there is a solution to every problem whether it be hard or easy.
I just think this one is hard.
He obviously, like the majority of men I am sad to say, is sensitive. You can make your mind up whether you want to stay with someone that doesn't understand you, or relationship is failing because of a mess. Can you fight through it?!
All relationships have obstacles. In a sense, I can see his point. I think you should both come to some kind of conclusion though. Your obviously both all over the place with how this is working - you particularly.
I think you should sit down, drag him if need be, and say how much this is obviously affecting your relationship, and that we need to come to an agreement or this isn't going to work. I think 2 years is a bit much personally, but I think she should stay just a bit longer because of the difficulties financially.
As I said, you will have to talk together. I am not part of this relationship, I have no say in opinion.
If he doesn't want that chat, what does that tell you?!
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