A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my daughter on and off for about 5 yrs... I moved out of our apt due to issues that we had... he has never wanted me to move on and vice versa... though not officially together we still were together... I knew that I needed my space and that he need his so it was an unspoken rule that we would be open and honest about affairs... I never cheated or moved on because I'm head over heels in love...i cannot see myself sleeping with anyone but him... I just wanted things to get better between uo before we moved in together... even though my heart and intuition kept telling me that he was cheating months ago, I never said anything... but during this time he accused obssesively of cheating with his friends or just guys in general... his accusations were building s wedge into our already fragile relationship... ti make a long story sgort he was cheating... I get a call from gis mother and she tells me to come over and talk... I rushed over to his mothers house only to find out that he wss arrested because he and the other woman got into a heated argument because she is pregnant with his child and asked her to have an abortion... he was charged with disorderly contact and resistin arrest.... I didnt know a thing I wss crused to hear this.... because of the love I have for him I tried to forgive him. and be there for him... my problem is that when we are together I do not feel like he is mine I'm jealous I'm angry I'm disgusted and I don't know what to do? someone please help me...i try to talk to him about it but don't know what to say so I bottled up my feelings. I'm sick and tired of pretending this isn't a problem for me what should I say to him? how do I say it? I look into his eyes and I feel so hurt and pained by this situation... I don't reall know how he feels for her cause I don't ask... when we make love I feel like hes thinking about her I just don't know what to do...
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female
reader, sarcy24  +, writes (12 November 2008):
 I too can feel the distress and upset in your post. The whole situation is awful for you. I understand that you still love him and feel jealous over him but this guy is not nice and I think you need to move away. I know you probably don't care about the pregnant girl but his treatment of her was really bad and must have been serious if the police got involved so that must ring warning bells. I don't think he cares for you as much as you do for him, to him you are just someone who loves him, is always there and he can fall back on. I think you need to take a stance on his behaviour and tell him you will not put up with it and if he doesn't like it you are off. Anyone who makes a person as upset as you sound is not worthwhile being with. This chap doesn't appear to particularly care either and even though you do it isn't going to make him care back unless he wants to. You can take a horse to water but you can't make him drink. To me he sounds abusive and although it will be very difficult I would finish it with him. You don't really know what he has been up to or what he is doing so you can't feel secure and he doesn't appear to be trustworthy so I can't imagine you would feel calm and settled which you would need for your own sanity and to care properly for your daughter. At the very least tell him to go for a while until he sorts himself out, giving you time and space to decide what you really want.
A
female
reader, violet835  +, writes (12 November 2008):
You sound incredibly distressed in that message and that alone makes me think you need to start moving away from someone who is upsetting you this much. The only other option is for you to resolve things between the two of you, which means you will have to ask how he feels and what he wants. But you also need to make sure you tell him how you're feeling and what you want. I've noticed that often when someone is up to something, they accuse the other person of exactly that because it's on their mind and they can suddenly imagine the person doing it too.I don't want to sound harsh, because I don't know his side of the story, but from the way he treated the other woman who is pregnant with his child, like so badly that he had to be arrested, it seems he's not someone overly concerned with how others are feeling. I think the first thing you should do is move out so you're not living with him, so you have a better chance of clearing your head and working out how you feel about what he's done, and what you want because from the way you sound in that question above, it doesn't seem like you can go on like this, and you shouldn't have to. I too have been stuck in a position where the person I'm with has upset me, but I have such trouble walking away from him, and I've decided we can walk away from nice guys because they give us the self-esteem and belief in ourselves to do so, but bad guys destroy that so we feel like we can't leave them and survive alone. I hope this helps, you're not alone in how you feel.
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