A
female
age
41-50,
*appyHeidi
writes:My boyfriend of only 4 months and I live together (I realize its a mistake to move in together so early) I'm 26 and he's 30. I have lived on my own for about 8 years and he is right from mom's house. The first few weeks were filled with argueing only, he swears and raises his voice when he argues. As a verbally abused child I'm especially sensitive to this. Now, a month later, I feel nothing for him. I'm not attracted to him, I am not nor do I want to be intimate with him, I feel like I'm just closed off. I feel like I've been pushed so far that I'm just done. And only now is he ready to make an effort in the relationship. I guess my question is what do I do now? How do I open myself back up? How do I know if this is even worth me opening myself back up? Maybe most importantly, how do I make my limits known so I don't get into this position again? Thanks so much to anyone for reading so much of this I really do appreciate this help!! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (14 June 2009):
 Good communication always helps. Sit down and talk about what's going on, together. Tell him how yelling at you makes you feel.I think it's a good sign that he's willing to work on it, that he sees that something's wrong and he wants to fix it. Have the talk and then give him a chance to get it together. If he doesn't, it's still early enough to break it off.Good luck.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2009): Since you do not like the way he has transformed himself in your home tell him he must go. If he changes for the better try him back in a year or so. It looks to me as though he thinks he's doing you a favour living with you. The nerve!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (14 June 2009):
 I am not sure the relationship has no future. He's behaving badly but maybe it's that he is not used to living with someone else and accept another person's ways. Some times the small things are irritating and people find it hard to adjust to living with others. For example, A has the habit of coming out of the shower and not using a towel, so s/he gets the floor all wet, much to the anger of B.
Make sure that the reason behind the arguments is NOT his feeling uncomfortable living in another place, with another person.
By the way, I'm not saying the screaming and the swearing are justified. I'm trying to go beyond that. Why is it that he screams and curses?
It does seem bad that a person who has been with you for four months only is already at this stage. If I look at this problem from this point of view, then I agree that maybe he was not a good idea.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (14 June 2009):
 I agree with Old Guy...listen to your gut.And simply tell him this is not going to work out. Yes he will be pissed(I mean after all, he just came from Mommy's house, do you think maybe he was looking for you to be motherly?) but look at it this way....What would it be like if you were writing this question a couple of years down the line, maybe after a kid or three together and a mortgage?Best to do it now and get on with your life. Believe me, you will be glad you did!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2009): Mistakes happen. It sounds like this is one of them. It doesn't sound like the relationship has a future, and it sounds like you really need him to be out of your home.
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