A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 24 yrs old my boyfriend of almost 10 yrs is 27 yrs old, and we've lived together a little over two years with 0 children. When we werent living together it seemed as though he wanted to spend more time with me, now that we live together he's always at a friends house doesnt come home after work and spends time with friends and co-workers into the night. Now he doessnt stay out too late maybe 12-1 am and always comes home. He doesnt see the big deal because to him, hes not at bars or clubs just hanging out at friends houses. When Ive talked to him about how I feel he basically says that he understands and hes going to spend more time with me. That never comes and he has even said before when confronted that "we sleep next to each other" So I guess thats quality time to him. I dont want to leave because, I am in school and have no place to live. He knows this so he may be taking advantage of the situation. We havent gone out to eat at a restaurant in over 2 yrs and just saw a movie in the theatre after 3 yrs. Help!!!
View related questions:
co-worker Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): Well, I wasn't in this situation until recently the beginning of this year I got laid off from my job and at that time, I decided to go to school full time. So I am trying to better myself its not like I want to depend on a man the rest of my life. It's already hard enough depending on one right now. Although, I do see your point, maybe he just doesnt give a damn and thats just completely sad to me seeing that we've been together for so long. Anyway I do appreciate your feedback. THX
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): Are you crazy?
First of all, why on earth did you get yourself into a situation where you need to depend on him? He's not your husband, and by the sounds of it, he doesn't really care about you. Do you have any family you can live with or friends you can stay with?
Mistake number 1 for many women: They let blokes 'have their cake and eat it too' - in other words, you are giving him the perks of having a 'wife' (I'm sure you'd do some cooking or cleaning etc and you are a companion to alleviate his loneliness), and he also gets to enjoy the single life of going out with his friends and colleagues and who knows what or who else. He can do the latter because you are not technically married!
I am 29 and I did not move in with my boyfriend until we were engaged. Why would I? I enjoyed living at home with my folks. I enjoyed their company. I wasn't wanting to move in with him. No way! I just about needed a rocket to get me out of home with my folks and in the end we got engaged. Then we moved in together and got married 8 months later. It's a far better way to go. You retain some power in the relationship - and can't be used up. All men would rather just 'move in with their partner' because it's EASY and doesn't require any commitment. You are definitely being taken for granted. I would move out and live with your parents or a friend and start resuming your own life. You don't have to end it with him, but create some power for yourself. Create a bit of demand here! If you're too available, he will NEVER marry you. You will live together for another 10 years, and then it will be too hard to leave, you won't be married and he might decide then that he wants to pursue different things (or people). You need to EARN RESPECT and make it a bit tougher for him. Stop making yourself so available.
Mistake Number 2: you put yourself in a situation where you were financially and emotionally dependent on this bloke. If you are married it is a different story, because marriage is a formal commitment that shows people's genuine love and respect for each other.
Your situation is exactly why so many women are ending up single at 30 and 40 years of age! Get out of that 'live in' now and command respect, create demand and regain some shred of power in your relationship. He has it all his way.
...............................
|
