A
female
age
30-35,
*0sweetbabii0x
writes:My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years has all of the sudden become very distant. I believe that his friends are pushing him away. He is a senior in high school and I am a junior. He thinks that he wants to be more independent now and not have a girlfriend. How can someone decide something like that so suddenly after 2 1/2 years? It hurts me because I really love him. He is just so caught up in being a senior and starting college next year that he thinks that time changes everything. It's not like I'm that far behind him in age...only one year. Please help me! It's really hurting. And also... we are going on a break for a week so he can decide what he really wants. I'm not sure if I should avoid him, or talk to him. What is the best idea?
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female
reader, TygersDream  +, writes (13 March 2007):
 Well, here's an easier-said-than-done piece of advice:
Just leave him be. He wants his freedom, don't call him. Don't talk to him. Take his words to mean that you guys are as good as broken up.
Don't take the above advice as a ploy to get him to come back to you when he's staring back at an emotional void and doesn't hear you calling his name.
Take his intent to break up with you SERIOUSLY.
As you said, how can he just do this after 2 1/2 years with you? That's like a kick in the throat. I'm not saying this because "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." It's about your pride and dignity as a human being. You have the right to refuse HIM.
I know it hurts, I know that you think that if he'd only hear your voice again he'll remember why you guys stayed together for 2 1/2 years. 'He's just not thinking clearly' - he's just caught up with the excitement of becoming a full-fledged adult.
But so are YOU.
Don't let HIM make the choice for you, a genuinely loving relationship is about 2 ppl making a choice about their future together.
And he's obviously made up his mind that your future is to be apart. I don't care if he's being 'short-sighted' or 'crazy' or 'confused'. Right now, the ball is in YOUR court.
To be optimistic, you CAN decide that you'll wait for him. What are you going to do if he does decide that he was wrong? Would a speech about how you complete him be enough for you? Can you guys go on your merry way again? Maybe. The human heart is very forgiving.
And perhaps my concept of relationships is too standardized.
Perhaps he WILL come back to you, and maybe he won't.
It's generous and understanding of you to give him time to know what he wants, but at the same time you can't treat yourself like a ball that he can pick up and play with whenever he feels like it.
You can't allow him (or any other guy) to take your relationship for granted - that if he suddenly DOES decide that he was wrong and confused, that he always has your open arms to come home to.
No, he doesn't. Assuming that he's not an orphan, he has his family or his pet to go home to.
You are a separate entity with your own dreams, hopes and aspirations.
If he wants a breakup - for whatever reasons he's given you - then it's your choice and decision to move on. Why do you want to wait around for some guy to decide that you're the one for him? Don't play the waiting game, or hope that he'll come to his senses.
Love isn't an audition, or a job application where you wait on the phone wondering whether he'll accept or reject you.
If you don't hate me by the end of this column, and you're ready to move on, here are some websites with some tips:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio1/onelife/personal/relationships/splitting2.shtml
http://teenadvice.about.com/cs/breakingup/a/breakuphelper.htm
http://dating.about.com/od/recoverymovingon/ht/MoveOnSecrets.htm
http://www.christinekane.com/blog/2007/03/02/you-teach-people-how-to-treat-you/
I wish you the best of luck.
A
female
reader, dragonette  +, writes (13 March 2007):
 I'm really sorry about your boyfriend becoming distant. After 2.5 years together it can't be easy.
It's not unusual that teenage relationships break though, since during these years people evolve a lot emotionally, and not always in the same way. It might be that the two of you are growing in different directions or that your boyfriend feels he needs time without you to see what he could be like.
Either way, I think that if I were in your shoes I would leave him alone during the week when you're having your break. Just so he will know what it will be like without you.
I hope everything will work out for the better.
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