A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy 6 months ago. We met 3 times within 2 weeks, then he left for his job (which he told me from the beginning) for the whole summer, but told me that he wanted to see me when he got back. He called me once a month for those months apart. He was in town one weekend and did ask to see me. He came back 2 months ago and has been asking me out on a date once a week.He told me that he was still seeing other people. I was very upset about it. I asked him where I stood and that I didn't want to be dragged along if he just wanted something casual. He insisted that he liked me very much, and currently there was no one in my position. However, he didn't feel like he knew me long enough to give up his needs which was seeing other people. He even cried when he thought I wasn't gonna see him again after that. I thought about the situation and tried to be understanding. I thought that maybe I should give him time and freedom. If after seeing other people and he still likes me then his feelings for me are real. So I told him not to feel any pressure and that he could see other people and I would start doing the same thing, which he quickly agreed. That was a month ago. Recently, he was checking his phone when I was right next to him. I didn't mean to look but I saw that he was getting emails from an online dating site. It just hurts me that he is very actively seeing and dating other girls.I am so frustrated about the whole thing and it is killing me. He is leaving for winter break soon for a month (he is in grad school). I don't know what to do. I want to be with him but I don't know how long I will be able to go along with this. I have been trying to see other people too but it just makes me realize how much I like him. We have a lot in common, and have a lot of fun together. I feel very comfortable around him, which rarely happens with other guys. It is pretty obvious that we are not on the same page, I have been contemplating calling it off. However, there is something inside me telling me I should be more patient. I really don't know what to do. I am so scared of getting hurt, but I like him and care about him too much to give up right now.Thanks a lot for reading this!!! I would really appreciate any words of advice!!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, katatonik +, writes (1 December 2008):
 His actions are those of someone who is not presently interested in commitment. If commitment is important to you (and that's a very valid attitude for you to have, btw) then this guy is not the one for you. You call it correctly yourself--it's pretty obvious that you and he are not on the same page. Unless you have reason to believe that his desire to date around is a passing phase (and it doesn't sound that way at all), it's time to break things off with this guy before you waste any more time and emotional attachment on someone who will never give the same back to you.
A
female
reader, Aunt Nicky  +, writes (1 December 2008):
 If he really liked you he wouldn't want to see anyone else and messaging other girls when in your company is totally unacceptable... A relationship should only be between two people... hope this helps..
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