A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Im a widow at 38 met a amazing man a year later,moved in together we never had that oh my god im in love feeling,and I feel like we both just settled,my friend died last year and Im very close to her husband and now as of 8 months ago we have been having the most amazing sex ever,the attraction is there,the connection is there and soon as we are through we are like ok bye see ya later.But we know there is something there,but he keeps saying we are just having sex and nothing more,Im willing to walk away from my live in to be with him,how do i tell him im in love with him.I know he loves me i feel it when we make love,and he gets jealous when he sees me out with my live in.I would spend my life with him no doubt.
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male
reader, Felix Francis  +, writes (25 May 2010):
Dear
Sex is the dual tool which shares when you are happy or sad, anyhow you are a widow, you need security than sex, sometimes even sex means your co-operation in the bed will bring a man closer to tell you than he loves you. Don;t ever make a move to tell him that you love him and want to marry him.
felix
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2010): i am guessing that you have not given your friends husband a time to mourn for his wife. am i correct in saying: her body was hardly cold when you moved onto him. your friend died last year and you have been indulging in sex with him for 8 months now. can you see what i am trying to tell you. yes, you are having amazing sex but life is much more than sex. you are still living with another man. and you are having sex with your dead friends husband. i think you need to firstly learn to respect your live in lover. then respect your dead friends husband and the dead friend. and lastly try some respect for yourself. you seem way over your head. if your live in lover is not the one, instead of being unfaithful and sneaking around with this other man, leave the live in lover. then prioritise yourself. i see a woman with major major self esteem issues, someone who doesn't want to be alone and someone who is just making a mess of all her realtionships.
yes it is time for some major decisions but please realise this: this widower cannot gove you the love and happiness you crave. do you feel any guilt at all when it comes to your cheating? from what you have written this other manis merely using you for sex and he has told you so. i think you need to listen to what he is telling you.
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A
male
reader, Honest Answer +, writes (25 May 2010):
 I say you just have to come right out with it and tell him that you love him. I mean really, what do you have to lose? He has already told you that he is only in it for sex. If you scare him away, you have only lost a good sex partner (I realize that he is more to you). On the other hand if he says he feels the same way, you now have your fairy tale ending.
You are really young, and have a whole life ahead of you. If he really isn't intrested, you still have time to find that soul mate.
I see it as a win win. Tell him.
Good Luck!
Jeff
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (25 May 2010):
 Sorry Hun, but as I see it, you are cheating on the man you are living with and the guy you are seeing is only seeing you for sex - he is probably craving human affection because of the loneliness he feels after the passing of his partner.
This man is using you and he will never see anything in you other than a FWB. Sorry!!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (25 May 2010):
When a man says it's just sex, you can be sure that it's just sex. He doesn't love you, I'm afraid. You don't know that at all. He has made it clear that it's just sex and nothing more. I think you're a very hurt woman, and I think that you're clinging to different men in an attempt to stop the pain from losing your husband get to you. The problem is that you're now living with one man and cheating on him, which is unfair. And you're being used by another man who lost his wife. He's having sex with you because he wants closeness. But it's not love. I think you need to stop with both men and really look at your life. You're wasting time with two men, neither of whom are for you. You're cheating on the man you live with, and have made it clear that you're not really in love. And you've been swept away buy this other guy who so clearly wants nothing more than sex. Get away from both and focus on your own life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2010): Whoa! Major red alarms are sounding here. He's clearly telling you that it's "only sex" to him, and yet you're talking about leaving the man you're with. Don't do it! You'll likely regret it if you do. This guy is just trying to get past his wife's death. You're the rebound love. And I'm sorry to say it, but it IS likely only sex to him. He has told you this straight out, but you apparently don't want to hear or accept that and are reading more into his feelings and actions than what's there.
But if you want to be absolutely certain, sure, tell him your feelings straight out. Confess your love. I don't see what that could possibly hurt at this point.
Now, about the "great" guy you're living with--I feel sorry for him. Since you're living with him and are in a relationship with him, you owe him some degree of commitment and respect. Yet, you're cheating on him, and he doesn't deserve that whether he gives you a "oh my god we're in love feeling" or not--which, by the way, is insanely overrated and is not actually love but is lust or infatuation, which quickly fades.
So perhaps you need to rethink that relationship with or without the lover in your life. And perhaps if your relationship with your live in love is wanting, you should consider moving out.
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