A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my now husband for almost 5 yrs. he is a bit older than me and has two older children,I have 3 from another marriage and we have one together. At first it seemed like things would last forever. In the begining of our relationship I was the one that was insecure. Then I started to loose my baby weight and gain more confidence, and he started getting insecure.Well lately we have been fighting a lot because he is working out of town and this makes the insecurities more intensified, and he is always nagging on me about money and saving money. I pay bills out of my checks and so does he but my checks are smaller and so he gives me money for groceries and what not, but then complains when I ask for more. I am the one stuck here with the kids to take care of and so forth. But it is becoming to the point that he is pushing me away. I love him dearly but it is the same thing all the time! When he comes home we get along for the first day, then we argue and fight for a few days then by the time we are getting along again he has to leave. He is jealous of my BFF and makes me feel guilty for doing anything. My Bff asked me to go to a concert with her the 15th I told her yes, but I am not sure how to break it to DH that I have made these plans I do not feel like I need to ask his permission but I know he will not be happy. I went to a concert a few years ago with out him and to this day he throws it in my face even tho at the time he said he didnt care and he would watch the kids........I am just feeling helpless!!
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confidence, insecure, jealous, money Reply to this Question
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female
reader, petina1  +, writes (4 September 2010):
 That sounds a positive idea. Jobs can ruin lives can't they if they arent what we really want. I hope you can work this thru. Maybe he could re think about changing his job and hours although that's easier said than done. Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, yes he is very stressed about his job, he hates working away from home. All he thinks about is money, so I am sure he is stressed about this as well. As for the my friend, she is also his friend, and the 3 of us have dinner together, she has even called him once when I asked...we were arguing really bad while he was out of town, and I knew he had no one there to open up to about his feelings, and I wanted to see if she could help me understand how he was feeling. And that worked out great, and they do get along great. But when he is not around he is VERY jealous. But I know you are right and a lot of it is stress. I will plan something special and time away from kids when he comes home next. thanks again :)
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A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (3 September 2010):
I'ts typical isnt it. The timing on anything important is never right. You could go in at another angle. Let him know how upset your friend is because she is grieving, ask your friend to come around while your hubby is there and let him join in with the conversation. What I'm trying to say is if he can be her friend also then he may not give you such a hard time when you do speak to her. Its just a suggestion. He sounds very jealous. Is there something else going on in his life that he is unhappy about that he is keeping bottled up. Is he happy in his job?, worried about money. Try to make some time so that you can talk about this when the kids are in bed or something else. He may simply feel pushed out because you are uplifted in the things that you do without him. Hope this helps
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice......however, let me tell you what happened last night! So he text me and asked me how I was doing...I text him back but did not relize the text did not go though, I get poor service at home. So he text me like 5 min later and says..well I see you dont want to talk, tell your boy toy to leave! I was like WTF!??
So I explain what happens, he calls me a lil later and is in a pissy mood,asked me what I was doing. I told him I just got kids to bed and thought I would take a bath. He says well I m going to let you go, have fun. (But you could hear total sarcasim in his voice.) I ask him what is wrong and he mumbles a reply. I ask him to say it again but he wouldnt. So finally we get off the phone.
I decide then that I am going to cheer him up by sending him some naughty pictures. He seems to like this in his text back to me. But he cant talke right now because he is at work. He wants me to send him video of the big "o" so I try but again service sucks, so I tell him to call when he can. While I am waiting for him to call I decide to call my BFF just to chit chat...she is having a rough time today is her mom that passed away last Oct. it is her BDay. He calls while I am talking to her so I tell her I will call him back. He starts off by saying who are you talking to...I tell him and he says well gee I see how it is are you sure it was her....blah blah I am so over this I dont know if there is any re-assuring him!
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A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (2 September 2010):
Some men can get very possessive when they see a change in their women i.e. you've lost a bit of weight. You may be showing signs of growing self esteem and he could feel threatened. He sounds paranoid and very insecure. You need to have a bit of a life of your own as well seperate from the responsibilities of looking after the home and children. May be you could get a babysitter and spend some time with him, just the two of you. He could be tired as well, working long hours. Couldnt you get a ticket for him to go to the concert as well or isnt it his thing. He may be feeling left out because you have a bff as well. Sounds like you have lots to sort out but you need to make time to sit and talk with no obstacles in the way. A suggestion is to make him a nice meal on his next time off and tell him that you'd like to sort a few things out thats bugging you without the arguments, ask him if he is prepared to listen to you and you will listen to him. I'ts got to work both ways. Hope this helps
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