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female
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anonymous
writes: I am absolutely infatuated with my “friend” and him with me. We met while I was working abroad (for six months) and quickly formed a friendship. Three months later, we began to date, knowing too well that my time overseas was limited. Four weeks ago, after many tears shed on both sides, I returned to the US. We made no concrete plans to continue a relationship because of physical distance, although, he is looking for work and opportunity in the US. We talk and share as if we were still dating.He and I are both very young, 25 and 22 respectively, and both have large educational and career goals. Additionally, he was raised the Middle East and is Muslim; I cannot believe that his family would approve of our relationship. (I have no issues with his upbringing or his faith. He too is quite respectful of mine.) We are both very assertive, opinionated people and sometimes, I worry that we are not long term compatible. Still, I am incredibly smitten with him.In a perfect world, he would move to the US to complete his research and I would continue to prepare for my PhD. We would resume dating and building our relationship. That’s not fair to ask of him though.Considering his family, our studies and the distance between us, should I accept him as a friend, abandoning all hope of a relationship? Or should I allow my feelings to grow for him, in hope of something more? I believe he wants the latter, but it is quite hard for me to be objective in this situation. Thank you in advance for your thoughts and recommendations.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2006): He may well be a nice person, and you both enjoyed the time you spent together.
However, there are some very big IF's" in this situation: IF he were able to move to the U.S. IF you continued dating after he came here and he was able to adjust to life in a new country (that's another large IF) and you two really hit it off well and built a good relationship, then, assuming you did - IF his family would be willing to accept you. Both of you need to concentrate on your ability to earn a good living - you on getting your degree and both of you pursuing your careers.
The cultural and religious differences between you are not to be taken lightly, no matter that you think these things are not an issue for you right now.
Because, in one sense, marrying, or entering into a long-term relationship with him, would mean you were both "marrying" into each other's families, friends, religion and culture. It would be more than just the two of you.
Having said all this, there's no reason you can't talk and write as friends. See how it goes. But keep in mind that his family may pressure him to enter into marriage with a girl of his own culture and religion. That's not unusual. Even if they don't, he may meet a woman on his own and want to pursue a relationship with her.
YOU might well meet someone you find you can have a good relationship with, and want to pursue, also!
Hope this helps.
A
female
reader, Astrid  +, writes (30 July 2006):
 Well I know is a complicated issue as you are to be apart at least for the moment, I think you should try to benefit from the situation as you will have time to relax and consider if you are really in love of if the pressure of your departure made it look more romantic and lovely so that you got stressed or completetely mada about your friend, to be in a foreing country alone makes us feel more attached to people that in normal circumstances maybe wouldn't appeal to u so much as they do, time is a good advisor, keep in touch, meet other people and in a couple of months you'll find out if the thing is worth trying of course this wouldn't be an impossible relationship and patience is a virtue
lots of love
Astrid
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