A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my boyfriend almost 7 months ago thinking I would never get back together with him. However, slowly we started talking again, everyday, until one day I asked him "what are we?" and he said "we're together."I was sort of surprised, but I said nothing and now I am fully "with him" and we're are in a relationship again. The part I don't understand is, my boyfriend has never ever talked about the breakup to me. Or how it affected him. The only time I notice there must be some kind of scar tissue, is that when we get in a fight, he gets very panicky and keeps saying "I thought everything was alright with us".I always do my best to reassure him that is not the case at all, we are just having a disagreement and that it doesnt mean anything. I am not going to leave him. We dont fight often though, so its hard to say what he thinks.I am happy with him now. He has changed, and we are better as a couple. But I worry at what my breakup did to him. Should I bring it up even after all this time? I still think its odd we never talked about it.
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (4 August 2012):
 Before broaching the topic again, which I'm sure you will, figure out first what it is you want him to tell you. What is it you want to hear? Knowing that will help you with your approach.
What's done is done, but if you're in this situation again never, ever ask a man 'What are we?'. By wording it this way you abdicate your power to him. And you imply that if he doesn't consider you a couple you're prepared to continue as 'no strings attached' until he does.
In future you don't ask. You TELL him what you think it is and give him a chance to agree or disagree. If he agrees, then everyone is happy and you carry on. If not then you scale back your investment. If a man doesn't want to be your boyfriend, then he's not entitled to the perks of one. And be clear about that.
There is nothing demanding or clingy about it. You're not forcing him to do anything. You're simply stating what you want, what you're prepared to offer, under what conditions and in what time frame. He can choose whether or not he wants to be a part of that.
Being direct and clear makes you sound confident, decisive and accustomed to being treated well. You are far more likely to get what you really want this way than you would relying on others to decipher cryptic messages.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2012): I'm a firm believer that if you break up with someone you should not get back together. if you were going to get back together you should never have broken up in the first place but instead worked to resolve the issues. If you've broken up once and gotten back together you can very well break up again, so it introduces an element of insecurity in the relationship. that's why your bf gets panicky now, and doesn't want to talk about the break up. just relax and don't push him. don't go looking for problems
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 August 2012):
 Why did you break up with him? And why do you have trouble communicating with him?
You broke up with him once. You haven't ever talked about it. Why would you expect everything to be easy and okay?
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