A
male
age
36-40,
*ustaGuy
writes:Hey all only me,So I had my graduation ceremony today and saw my ex again for the first time in 3 months since she broke up with me. It was bittersweet. We didnt speak, or even make eye contact, but we must have see each other walk up on stage and collect our awards. The moment I saw her my past feelings were dragged to the surface and I felt that horrible surge of heartache that I'm sure we all know and hate. I have been trying hard to get over her and now I feel I've taken steps backwards. I once again feel tempted to ring her or make contact after managing to resist for 3 months. In short, she has broken up with me before in the past and this time I thought "enough is enough" - she cant just use me at her convinience. She aksed if we could try again for a 3rd time just after new years, I ignored and never replied. I'm desperate to get rid of this heartache and find that someone special. When it was good it was amazing and thats what makes me perhaps want to return to my ex, I really miss the little things, having someone to hold at night,chatting till early hours, you know. But I dont belive her when she says she has changed. All will be ok for a month and then she'l break my heart again i'm sure, and the cycle will continue.I'm not sure I'm even asking a question, I guess I just was'nt prepared for the feelings that have returned.
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female
reader, lost666 +, writes (10 February 2008):
 Hi there, Just read your post and it sounds similar to my situation, I don't really know what advice to give you because I'm struggling myself at the moment. I always think that if it's meant to be it's meant to be and you and her will come back to each other, but I think you should initiate contact with her and simply tell her you love her and you want her back.. it's a really hard thing to do but it will be worth it if it works out. I broke up with my boyfriend last year around this time over a messy stupid thing and what destroyed us was not talking about things, ie I was hearing things from people, he was hearing things from people but we never dealt with it, anyway we got back into contact a bit like you and I was too afraid to say I wanted him back, I didn't want to give him power or something if that makes any sense, the funny thing is I think he was trying to say the same thing but couldn't as well he was hinting and asked me to meet up but I got worried and freaked out. He is the love of my life and last night I saw him kiss another girl, the first time I have ever seen him with anyone else since we broke up. My heart is broken right now, I feel like I have to do something, just tell him how I feel but it worries me to think maybe he's moved on. It's the worst feeling in the world, as we are in the same situation kinda.Feel free to message me or anything, it's comforting to talk to people going through the same thing, I really hope it works out for you xox
A
male
reader, JustaGuy +, writes (1 February 2008):
JustaGuy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice Taurusscorpioascendent and Mistify.
Since yesturday she has been on my mind constantly. I'm tired of feeling like this, ever since our first breakup last june she has been the first and last thing on my mind everyday.
I do miss her and would love to think we could have it back again. I'm back to the point where I'm checking my phone/email to see if she has written and its driving me crazy!
I really dont know what to do here. I'm in that awfull wallowing mood where things just go round and round in my head , I just want to be me again with her like we had it at the start.
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A
female
reader, taurusscorpioascendent +, writes (1 February 2008):
Well, from personal experience my ex boyfriend and myself had a very erratic on off relationship, that started off with us very much in love. He would just disappear whenever he saw me, because he thought i didn't love him enough, but truthfully i really was afraid of the commitment and frightened it would all go wrong that made me seem less committed. I thought he would automatically understand, really i thought he could never love the real me with my own insecurities, bcs although i was attractive, i didn't have much family support whereas he was from a well regarded family so i thought he could handle my wobbly behaviour.Personally, i think you should try to have a FINAL shot with this girl, but remember communication is key. Before offering yourself up to her you two need to talk, you are just as important as her. If you talk over what you want and what she wants, see if they are the same aspirations, also you need to know how important you are to her, is she looking for a fling or a relationship? Also, think yourself would you be happy with a fling, remembering that it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. I bet ur stronger than u think. I'm saying go for it if u feel that u get the answers u need, bcs otherwise you could have years of regret..Find out now, communicate properly with each other and neither of you play mind games. And if it ever does fail you tried, but it wasn't meant to be and move on. I know ur going to be happy one way or the other.GOOD LUCK!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2008): Well, from personal experience my ex boyfriend and myself had a very erratic on off relationship, that started off with us very much in love. He would just disappear whenever he saw me, because he thought i didn't love him enough, but truthfully i really was afraid of the commitment and frightened it would all go wrong that made me seem less committed. I thought he would automatically understand, really i thought he could never love the real me with my own insecurities, bcs although i was attractive, i didn't have much family support whereas he was from a well regarded family so i thought he could handle my wobbly behaviour.
Personally, i think you should try to have a FINAL shot with this girl, but remember communication is key. Before offering yourself up to her you two need to talk, you are just as important as her. If you talk over what you want and what she wants, see if they are the same aspirations, also you need to know how important you are to her, is she looking for a fling or a relationship? Also, think yourself would you be happy with a fling, remembering that it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. I bet ur stronger than u think. I'm saying go for it if u feel that u get the answers u need, bcs otherwise you could have years of regret..Find out now, communicate properly with each other and neither of you play mind games. And if it ever does fail you tried, but it wasn't meant to be and move on. I know ur going to be happy one way or the other.GOOD LUCK!
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A
female
reader, Mistify  +, writes (1 February 2008):
 Hi there.
I'm sorry for all the hurt that has re-surfaced, but it is pretty normal to feel that way. When somebody we love, really breaks our hearts, it is hard to get over it.
When my ex broke up with me, it took me an entire year to get over 'those' feelings.
Just hang in there. You said it yourself. You can't trust that she's really changed, and you cannot stand having your heart broken again. Right now, you are only looking at the good times you guys had, but for the most part the bad parts outweigh the good parts? Else you wouldn't have broken up?
You are worth more, and there is a girl out there somewhere who will love you more than life.
Just keep on keeping on. You'll wake up one day, and you'll find that you have no such feelings anymore, but it will take some time.
Good luck
Mail me if you want to chat.
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