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female
age
41-50,
*lum fairy
writes: My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 months, we get on reasonably well and never argue. The relationship has moved quite quickly and he often mentions having children in the future and that he`d like me to leave some belongings in his flat. Due to past relationships I have a few confidence issues, my boyfriend interprets this as moods but is always supportive when I`m down. Since starting the relationship my `moods` have become far less frequent yet my boyfriend often brings them up and tells me i`m hard work :( Over the last few weeks we have seen periods of coldness/miss communication followed by a day of thinking and space. Despite all of this we also have great periods, we care about each other very much and support each other as and when.However.. Two days ago I found a gay porn dvd by my boyfriends bed, I confronted him and was informed it belonged to a close dead relative. I honestly don`t think my boyfriend is gay or bi but finding the dvd shocked me and a plausable answer is not easy to find. Since then my partner became very negative/closed off towards me. We had a relationship chat where he told me in a part drunken stupor that he really likes me but does`nt have/know of a reason why he`s with me, he once again brought my `moods` up telling me what hard work I am. Since then neither of us have made any contact, I am totally confused and devistated that I may possibly never see him again. I really want to make contact but everyone is telling me to wait until he calls/texts.. Thanks, Plum Fairy
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (13 December 2006):
 Is this issue about the gay DVD porn or about your relationship? I am unable to fathom exactly what it is you ahve a probelm with. This is not meant to be harsh, jsut asking for clarity...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2006): Do NOT listen to the previous answerer- since when did agony aunts inflict the pain?
If he is telling you that you are hard work, he is telling you he expects his relationship to be perfect without putting said hard work in. This is near impossible in a normal, balanced relationship. I think you need to sit down and talk to him about what is expected of you and the relationship. If he cannot talk to you maturely, then he is honestly not worth the hassle.
Also- I think you may have some trust issues: think about things calmly and rationally. He is your boyfriend, you have probably had sex and he wants children with you. Do these sound like plans a gay man would make?
The problems relationships encounter are more often than not a lack of communication. Make sure this is not the case, as no communication between you two could be the death of your relationship.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2006):
If the guy is telling you are a lot of work you probably are.
I think you are already looking for reasons to break up with him. Instead of doing that, just lightent up. No more serious conversations and feelings talk. Just enjoy the Chistmas parties and being with someone for the Holidays.
If in the new year things dont work out, thats fine. But at least give yourself a month break from looking for problems.
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