A
male
age
36-40,
*FeelUsed
writes:A couple of weeks ago I was talking to a woman and we were looking to keep it casual. Friends with benefits if you will. Then when we get to my place asked her if she would like to have sex. She said no, and thought I was very attractive and fun, but didn't want to lose my respect for having sex the first time we hung out.To reassure her, I said I will never lose respect for you for having sex with me on the first date, if that is what you want to do. Then I told her that I lose respect when people censor their wants and desires, because they don't want to look like a promiscuous person.Then I said so what do you want to do? Do you want to have sex? She responded with a smile and said I don't know, maybe, you tell me.We had sex, she came all over the bed, we went out for dinner at an Irish Pub, I drover her home, kissed her good night, and then we went our separate ways. I texted her a couple of times, to say hey and see if she wanted to get together some more.She hasn't responded. At this point after two text messages I let it go. But I am still curious, what gives? Was that a one night stand?
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friend with benefits, one night stand, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Garbo  +, writes (18 January 2017):
 I do not mean to be rude but rather honest in my my reply to what you post....
I had to think through which words would best describe your questioning of her twice as to if she wants to have sex... I went through such words as awkward, clumsy, lack of tact, rude... All of them fit but none really describe the emotion and what I would do had, say, a girl approached me like that on the first night. I'm by no means prude, but had she posed those questions the way you describe I'd be very ticked off and she would have been left on the spot. Her being a girl, she probably felt the same way but felt perhaps coerced into doing you. So my take is that she probably regrets that she ever met you. My advice is not to ask a girl if she wants sex; her body language will tell you... and that girls body language did not say that.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 January 2017):
 Maybe she felt a bit pressured in to having sex. Yes maybe her body wanted it but she is probably embarrassed that she allowed you to talk her in to it. I guess yes it probably was a one night stand and you should learn that no should mean no.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2017): You seem to be quite naive in the matters of love my friend. To begin with what lady would say yes if you ask her such a crude question as if she wants to have sex? You should never ask such a question.If you want a lasting relationship with a girl you should first get to know her and show interest in the details of her life, perhaps meet her for a coffee first to get to know each other. Having sex should not be your priority unless you are desperate for sex which can give a very negative impression of you. Sex comes much later when she trusts and feels safe with you and no need to as for permission FGS. As for the lady in question I think you lost her for good. Better luck next time
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (17 January 2017):
 FWBs don't always have set arrangements, so she may not want to contact you again yet.
Also, you shouldn't lose respect for people who want to "censor" themselves; some people want to hold off - she didn't seem convinced that she wanted to have sex with you; you talked her into it.
Leave her be.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (17 January 2017):
 Going out on a limb here reading between the lines she might have been looking for a relationship and now feels that she was coerced into having sex. The first 'no' should have meant no, not "persuade me"
I realise her actions after her initial no would indicate differently, and to explain in great depth would require more space and time than this site gives us.
Australia is a very patriarchal society, and women are only now being raised to have a sense of self and the belief they have a right to say no.
If you are not interested in a relationship with her then let it drop, I don't think she is looking for no strings sex.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2017): OP, she sounds like a slut.
LOL
Sorry.
She knew exactly what she was doing. She was playing COY but she was much more well versed than she came across. Yup! There is some mileage on her little red corvette!
And now she's onto the next notch on her bed post. This was a hit 'em and quit 'em...
I would say it's time to move on. I am sure you can find plenty of nice girls for a relationship or ongoing FWB. But I caution you FBW never end well, mostly on the part of women.
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