A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This is about a girl I met on the internet about 2 years ago. I'm from Norway, she's from Spain.We've always stayed friends until this summer she asked me, surprisingly, to come visit her in Spain and she wanted to know my relationship status. We kept in contact basically everyday all summer, I started feeling attracted to her, and I thought she was as wellAnyway, a couple of weeks ago she told me on skype that she's just got a boyfriend. I feel depressed now, and I can't help myself for thinking she has been using me the whole time. We still keep in contact, but she is complaining about her boyfriend a lot, something that pisses me off, I don't need to hear that.I've been thinking of just deleting her and move on in life, but it's hard as I've known her for such a long time.My questions are if you think she's using me, or maybe she just never was interested in the first place? If she wasn't interested at all, why would she do all the hazzle of inviting me to come visit her? I know I wouldn't if I wasn't interested in the person.Finally, is she worth keeping in contact with, cause emotionally I can't stand seeing her online on skype even, without thinking she's probably talking to her boyfriend. This has grown to become such a huge problem, and I don't know what to do! I appreciate any answer. Please be honest
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2011): Sorry to hear that she's not even on all that much anymore and that you're going through this. However, since I don't really know her I can't give an honest answer on what's going on through her mind.
There are many different reasons on why she is acting a little confusing, it's hard to tell.
1)She really did consider you as a good friend and didn't know about your feelings. That's why she chose to confide in you about her boyfriend problems and also invited you to come visit her. She's not online as much because she's been busy, it happens sometimes.
2)She got scared when she realized that you were really coming to visit her. Which is why she started to talk about a boyfriend and is slowly easing off contact with you.
3)She was leading you on and you were her 'temp' boyfriend when she was having problems with her real boyfriend.
Don't over-analyze this too much though since this is just a guess. Even if it's not the right time, just straight up and ask her about it. I don't think there's ever an easy way to talk about this sort of stuff, especially if your relationship status was up in the air.
*hugs* It'll be okay! Either way you sound pretty amazing, even if she doesn't see it I'm sure you'll make another girl happy. :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answers. Then why would she care enough to invite me to come to her place in Spain. She knows that I have to pay for the flight tickets, making me go way out of my way and take time off to visit her. This wasn't something I had been hinting at for ages, and she finally gave me the green flag, I didn't push at all for this to happen. She was never clear about her intentions. By me accepting her invitation, should be enough to ring bells in her head, telling her to tell me it's only a friendly invite, but nevertheless all this just for a cup of tea then jump on the next flight home... Come on... like she doesn't have enough friends to comfort her at home? I really can't believe someone would do that. As I posted in my original post, I know I wouldn't. What's your thoughts on this? Don't get me wrong now... I'm not trying to prove you wrong, I'm just trying to get some sense out of this. To me it seems like she might've liked me at one point, but changed her mind as quick as I change my socks. Obviously, as you said, she has led me on big time Seems like she isn't online these days so I don't get to ask her, she's probably having a terrific time with her boyfriend that she complains so much about :p
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2011): Then based on what you wrote, in my opinion it sounds like she's just a friend. Most girls, will not complain or talk about another guy to a guy they're even the slightest bit interested in.
If she flirted a lot with you she may have just liked the attention and led you on for a bit.
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female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (19 November 2011):
 She is definitely your friend, but obviously wasn't interested in a romance, hence the boyfriend. But, if you want more than friendship, you will have to let her know. You don't want to just cut her off without an explanation, she is a friend and deserves to know how you feel. However, you will have to explain to her that you are not interested in being just friends, and if she doesn't feel the same, then any relationship will be finished.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your reply. I'll try to give you updates on the situation and I will talk to her about it. I just wanted to know what people from a neutral point of view think about it, to know if there's any hold in what I'm thinking, before I take it up with her. Don't wanna make a bigger fool out of myself, giving her false accusations about using me etc, if that infact may be wrong.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2011): If it's bothering you, why not just talk to her about it directly? Although you explained it from your point of view it may have been different on her end, where she thought you guys were just friends.It may be pretty tough to talk about it especially since she now has a bf, but if it were me and another guy I would want to know first hand what he really felt. Especially if it pushed me to the point where I thought about ending my relationship with the person. Anyway, good luck with everything and if it's possible keep us updated too ;p.
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