A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My ex girlfriend and I dated for 4 months. She ended things, and now I am wondering if she was a control freak ? And if I am better off without her? The relationship started off all good and fun, but by the end of the second month when I was taking her out for supper she looked across the table from me and said "Eat Properly" I thought there was nothing wrong with how I was eating. She did this to me a total of 4 times. She also told me a few times that I needed new shoes. I didn't think there was nothing wrong with my shoes. Is this normal? She would also give me heck after for things I said that weren't even that bad. She would also tell me things like, "your still being judged by my family and friends you know," She even told me once to wash my hands better. It seemed like she was always pecking at me by the end of the relationship. It just seemed very rude and ignorant of her to comment on how I was eating when I was the one taking her out for a nice supper? Are these characteristics of a controlling girlfriend? Is this a personality that wont change ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): I just think guys take some things to personal...I do it to my bf alll the time cuz i think its funny to see his reaction. and he says stuff like that to me. its like a big joke? idk but i guess itd get annoying after awhile? but were still together, been 11 months.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): I'm guessing you guys came from different socioeconomic backgrounds. It's all relative- I get embarrassed when I am with someone that doesn't use proper grammar and has poor table manners. I don't think she was a control freak, I just think she was raised differently.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): Okay, well your girlfriend wasn't like this guy's girlfriend right? I don't think you had a control freak on your hands, but she may have started picking you apart before she broke up with you so as to make it your fault and not hers in her own mind....common as well.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009): YEP, definitly a control freak. I was in a relationship for 5 months, typically it started out fine but after about 2 months the subtle insults started like saying i always looked untidy (which wasn't true) or i'm not going out with her looking like that (of all the cheek). Then the jealousy and accusations started like ruining my friendship with my ex (but of course it's ok for her to see her ex's) and she even stopped me going to work. The last straw was when she tried to poison me against my family (this was crazy stuff) and i left for good. But that wouldn't be the last i'd hear from her, i would get threats then, things like she's gonna kill my family and then kill herself and it's all my fault for leaving, eventually she came to my mums house and bricked a window before stabbing me. She's in court tomorrow for sentencing.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): No, I don't think she was trying to be a control freak, but she may have found your standards of table manners and grooming were not up to par.....she was trying to make you the best man you could be, but she either said it the wrong way or you took it the wrong way because you were sensitive to her criticism.
What I would do is take away what you can learn about yourself from this, do you need to learn better table matters, eat with your mouth closed or what ever, not dip your bread twice in the communal butter? Do you need to take better care of your shoes so as to make a better first impression? People now days have let common courtesy and manners go by the way side all in the name of being free to be me.....or out of lack of knowledge and training. I appreciate someone with that follows the social graces, I don't condemn someone who doesn't, but if I was close enough to someone I would tell them what I thought because a spouse or partner does reflect on the other one, and if you are part of a couple you have to have a couple mentality and not a single me mentality....that is where you were not on the same page.
Being a controlling girlfriend would be someone that doesn't allow you to have your own friends or spend time with your family or something more severe.....those things you mention are really what I have described above. You didn't like it, you should have spoken up at the time so you could air your differences. Now you know next time.
Take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): I think it was more the way she was raised and she wasn't trying to be a bully. If she was raised in a family that had strict qualities about it, she may not be able to help but feel annoyed at those who are different. If her father taught her to eat a certain way because all else is rude and disgusting, then that's just the way she has been programmed.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (26 May 2009):
She was just acting the way she obviously thought a girlfriend should act.
Her mum probably looked after her dad a bit like that so she thought it was her job to look after you.
She thought it was her role to make sure you ate neatly and your shoes were shiney. It was her way of caring.
You didn't click with her but it doesn't make her controlling and bad. Some guys LOVE having someone to tell them what to do and looking after them.
She is your ex now so move on and find someone who will let you do what you want and have the scruffiest shoes in the world.
Good Luck!! xx
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