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Was my boyfriend's behavior with this other woman suspicious?

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 June 2014) 6 Answers - (Newest, 11 June 2014)
A female United States age , anonymous writes:

My bf and I have been in a long term relationship. Family and friends consider us an old married couple.

We attended his friend's daughter's graduation party on a Saturday afternoon. When it was time to leave, we got up to say goodbyes. One woman he was chatting with earlier walked in our direction. I did not know her, but he did. My bf was behind me and she walked past me. He said something to her in a rather quiet voice that I could not hear. She giggled. I turned around to wait for him, thinking we're going to say goodbye to some people on our way out. It was odd to me. He stopped and he was by this woman, and he wasn't coming with me. He kind of looked up instead of looking at me. She looked past me to the left. Neither of them were saying anything. I thought he could either introduce me or just say it was nice to see her and say goodbye. I just stood across from them and felt like I wasn't welcome. So, I walked away and said goodbye to the host and hostess and a few folks on my way out, and I waited at my car alone for my bf.

I told him that scene was weird and asked him why he couldn't introduce me or get on with speaking to her with me right there. He told me he said goodbye to her. But, he would not tell me why he stopped by her side (instead of by my side) and he would not tell me why the long pause when I was standing there. Then he made a snide comment about me walking away. My feeling is that he was glad I walked away, because then the awkward silence could be over.

This scene bothers me. What do you make of it aunts and uncles? No big deal? Was it rude? Is it suspicious?

Thanks for your response.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2014):

That would be very rude in any situation. There is no reason not to introduce you in that situation. My guess is something is going on. He did the typical thing cheaters often do when called on this type of behavior, he tried to blame you and your actions to deflect attention off his behavior and whatever is going on between him and her.

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (11 June 2014):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntIt was terribly rude of him to have such a conversation (however brief) with HER whilest YOU were nearby, AND he failed to introduce the two of you.

My guess? There's more, between the two of them, than he wants you to see or know about..... AND he didn't know any way to keep you from seeing it...

The "snide remark" was his way of taking the OFFENSE... to keep YOU off-balance about this issue.

Stay tuned... you are going to learn a LOT MORE about this woman, in the future....

Good luck...

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (11 June 2014):

So_Very_Confused agony auntI was with a friend yesterday who was stressed when she saw another person she knew and was afraid we would walk past her and she would have to introduce me to her and she didn't know her name.

Perhaps he didn't introduce you because he didn't know her name.

Me I would have walked up to her and said "hi I'm SVC I'm his girlfriend" or something like that....

The fact that you think it might be something to be worried about speaks volumes as to where you stand with this guy.

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A male reader, CMMP United States +, writes (11 June 2014):

No big deal

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2014):

It was very rude of him not to introduce the two of you. The pause in communication while you stood by, was obviously to avoid your attention. Hoping you'd put more distance between you. They wanted you out of hearing range. You're not a fool. Your post is well-written and articulate. You are obviously an intelligent and educated woman.

He further reinforced the fact he didn't want to introduce you, by nearly ignoring you and avoiding eye-contact. He didn't want you to make any expressions suggesting he should introduce you, or explain what is going on.

He even tried to turn it around onto you, claiming you walked away. What were you supposed to do in such an awkward situation; when neither of them introduced the mystery-lady?

It might not be wise to rush to the conclusion your boyfriend is cheating. It would be wiser to insist that he tell you who she is. Also suggest that he not insult your intelligence by making you seem like the rude one; when he clearly avoided introducing you to the suspicious lady.

I think your approach to this situation should be matter of fact. Not confrontational. You didn't catch him cheating; he was rude not to introduce you. It is weird he will not explain who she is. This for now, is about his manners.

If he refuses to talk about it, consider that an indication he is possibly up to no good. Then assess your relationship as to whether he is worth your time. Trust is an important element in a relationship. If a man doesn't reveal who his friends and affiliates are to his girlfriend or wife; he is deliberately keeping you in the dark. From that, you decide whether he is worthy of your love and trust.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2014):

I would be quite hurt and suspicious over this. The fact that he whispered something and then chose not to introduce you rings alarm bells. I would ask him how he knows this lady and how long he has known her for. You sound like a really nice lady who does her best to fit in and behave properly and this kind of behaviour from your boyfriend is disrespectful and rude to say the least. They obviously have some little joke or 'thing' going on and it is not nice to exclude you. If it happens again and you are left in the car alone again, just drive off! I would proceed very carefully here. If he chooses not to tell you anything further or turns the tables on you saying that you are nagging or paranoid I would suspect that there may be somthing going on. It may be just an innocent flirt but it is not nice behaviour and upsetting and I feel for you.

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