A
female
age
30-35,
*onnaBlume
writes:so here how it goes..... my best friend has a tendancy to be a little bit dramatic and when i say alittle bit a mean VERY she makes the war in the middle east a play ground schuffle. so anyways it was a very nice day at the beach yesterday so we made some drinks and headed down to the beach to work on our tans and meet some new guys. sooooo around 5 we decided to leave and i ran into some boys i knew she knew them to so i made plans with them to come to my house and go swimming in our pool. we get to my house and keep drinking by this time were plastered beyond belife so my friend starts hooking up with one of them i was just watching tv and by the sounds of it she was moaning in pleasure so i just started to cook dinner for eveyone then i hear the guy say your just a slut you better not tell anyone about this and all that crap so he took off she started to cry claiming he raped her and all this crap she takes off falls down the stairs breaks her foot and so i take her to the hospital she gets a rape kit done and xrays. she is fine this morning but she is pressing charges against him. but does this really count a rape? i mean she is the one who started this whole thing. they were having fun untill he said it was a one time thing the whole entire time all i heard was moans of pleasure not once did i hear her say no. she wants me to make a statement. but how can i make a statement if i dont know what happened? is it rape or is she being dramatic?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): I don't think you are really entitled to say if it was rape or not. Even if they were having sex and she consented and changed her mind midway through and he didn't stop, that can be rape. Also, if she was drunk and he wasn't so much, that is rape regardless of whether consent was given by legal standards. Also just because she started hooking up with him, doesn't mean he's allowed to have sex just because she started making out with him or something. The moans of pleasure could have come from other sorts of sexual acts rather than sex itself. I think you need to talk to your friend about this instead of asking here if the fact that typically she's a drama queen means she made up the rape.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): Unless you were sitting right beside them watching them, there's no way for you to know if it was rape or not. As you said you were plastered even if it did sound like she was enjoying herself if she did not give consent then it's rape hands down.
Does what he said sound like a guy that had consent? Why would tell her not tell anyone and call her a slut?
You can only make a statement of what you know, it's not up to you to figure out what happened, you just tell them exactly what you saw and heard.
I must say to you though, rape doesn't always happen the way you think it will, just because he didn't hold her down or she wasn't screaming or something like that, is no indication that it wasn't rape.
You need to talk to your friend and be there for her, give her the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise, no matter how much of a drama queen she is, these are serious charges for a very serious crime, it's unlikely she would risk going to jail just because he only wanted a one night stand.
You need to talk to your friend and find out from her what happened just because you didn't hear her say stop or no doesn't mean she didn't. It's also possible she was passed out or was too drunk to give consent.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (15 June 2009):
 As Icelordess says, god bless her, you just be honest and say exactly what you heard. The only thing that comes to mind is that perhaps they were doing oral sex or something and that's where she wanted to stop - and then he just kept going. But, who knows? That's me giving her the benefit of the doubt. You don't know what happened in there. I would be completely honest with the police and tell them exactly what you heard, and definitely don't let your friend coerce you into telling them differently. The police will sort this out and if he is guilty by their count, he's guilty.
The best you can do is be honest. Then, let the police do their job.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): Insulting a girl you've just hooked up with may be rude, it may be bad judgment, but it's not a crime.
If you'd thought for a second that your friend was being raped, you'd have intervened. Instead it sounded to you like she was having a real good time. She only seemed to get upset when she realized she'd just screwed a jerk.
When guys are arrested because the girl decides after the fact it was a bad idea, it diminishes the experience of every victim of a genuine rape.
Be completely honest and candid with the police, and let them decide whether to lay a charge. Please don't help your drama queen friend destroy a guy's life by lying for her.
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