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female
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anonymous
writes: my ex and i were together for over 3 years and broke up over a year ago but noone did anything so wrong..no cheating or anything..just arguments over silly thingsi contacted him a year later leaving a v-mail and he called me back a few minutes later and i explained my regrets and he said he can't jump back into this which I understood. We can't rush back into being together. He also said there are financial things going on stressing him out and also how he feels closed off right now. He said we would exchange calls and then meet. We have been talking for a few months about twice a week He does seem like he isn't happy with the way things in his life are going (unless he is bs'ing me). He says with the mortgage he is paying for his mother's house he has negative income coming in and that he also might have to give up his apartment. He also said he thinks his job will be making rounds of layoffs and he would eventually be affected. He also said if he gave up his apartment (and I live at home but actually might be moving out soon but i didn't tell him that yet) he said where are we going to go; what are we going to do? you need money to do some things etc. I said its not a reason to not see someoneHe said it doesn't feel right to him right now to see each other. He said he can't erase all the negative things or red flags that happened before etc (noone cheated or anything; it was just petty arguments that should have been avoided) He said at the very least just put things on hold and that he needs to square other things away first and that he just isn't in that mindset right now and to basically give it more time. I asked him do you want me to go away and he said he isn't ready to say ok don't talk to me anymore. And I asked so you don't even know if you want to see me in a few months? and he said well it would have to be within a few months or so and that he can't expect me to wait 5 years for a phone call and i told him no i can't do that. I also pointed out it seems like you are turning down the idea without even trying and he said what we have been doing now is trying but he just isn't ready right now. And he said he knows what will happen when we do see each other; it will just be more and more--whatever that means--becoming attached again?he said he would call and over a week goes by and i didn't hear from him and it made me wonder if he was blowing me off after telling me that or just taking his time...i then found out the company i work for might be bought out which probably means losing my job..i was kind of upset and nervous and texted him the news..he called me right away and we spoke etc..spoke for about an hour about different things and at the end he said good luck and i said do you want to speak soon? and he said to let him know what goes on next week with the job and i asked but do you want to call me? and he said he would call.I don't mind putting things on hold because i am going to try to date and have an open mind. I was upset when i heard about my possible job loss and i texted him..was that such a big mistake? he called right away so it made me feel good.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2010): Look to me it sounds like he wants you to keep thinking you have a chance with him, but he can't commit to you that you even have a chance. If that is correct, then RUN. Relationships must have the ability to grow in all types of daily stresses. If he will not give your relationship a chance because his life is in a bad place, how can you too begin to learn to handle conflicts. He may not have the heart to tell you he is not interested (doubt it) or he wants you to keep hanging on, thinking you have a chance. The whole thing is very concerning to me. I have heard of many reasons for people to not see one another but money? Really?! Not! I would not contact him for any reason again. Get yourself over him and get out there and find a man who cherishes you no matter what life issues are affecting him. You deserve someone who will love you and care for you regardless of what else is going on in his life.
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