A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy online three months ago. We hit it off right from the start with tremendous passion and chemistry and have butted heads a few times too. We were supposed to meet next week and he was going to come out here and I requested he stay in a hotel. we have discussed sex everyday.. I said today, once I meet you and make sure you are not a pedophile , rapist or serial killer and i know i can trust you sex will evolve naturally, but not to expect it next week. He was super mad that I emailed that and said lets minimize our emails until I am confident you are not a killer or rapist and has not responded to my emails all day. I was kind of kidding, but deep down I do need to have 100 percent trust in a man for me to commit to him. We have only been emailing and periodically talking on the phone. I have been honest with him about who I am . I apologized for being so blunt and hurting his feelings and told him i respect whatever he decides. Did I do something wrong? I am so sad.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2010): Hiya if youve been talking with great passion for 3 months and sex has been mentioned every day...its not difficult to imagine what he was expecting when he met you.
The fact that youve gone all coy and you are talking about rapists ect, probably has annoyed him! If you really are worried he could be any of the things you mentioned, it begs the question, what were you doing talking to a stranger like that in the first place?
Its always best to meet face to face before engaging in that sort of thing.
You have built up an expectation in his head and now hes angry because he feels you have been playing him, leading him on.
Its far better to meet someone before going down the route of cyber/phone sex. And remember when you are chatting to them in the manner you did, that they have probably doing it with others too. Its not very special really.
Just chat to the local guys that actually want to meet you in person, rather than the ones happy to stay online for months. And then only want to meet up in person for sex.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2010): Having met many, many men online (before I eventually met and married a beautiful, sweet man) I can offer one piece of advice - don't build a relationship with someone you have never met. If you do, chances are you are wasting your time. After having long email/phone relationships with a couple of men (separately of course) the disappointment upon meeting them was huge. I had created fantasy relationships with people who didn't exist. You can say/do/be anyone online. Yes - you do get to know the person to an extent, but what happens when you become close to/passionate with a man online, then meet him in real life only to feel repulsion? trust me, it's happened! The lovely man I am with now sent me 1 email in response to my photo and add. I replied. We sent 2 or 3 back and 4th, then met in person. Thankfully he was great, and if not - at least neither of us had wasted anytime/been disappointed.I hope this helps. As for your dilemma - once you meet, hopefully there is some chemistry and attraction. If not, all the talk of sex will be downright embarrassing. So whilst you're doing nothing wrong, I'd meet him quick smart!Good luck
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (18 March 2010):
 You made a joke and it was too hot for him to handle. He took it as an affront that his character was being questioned and his pride and ego was injured.
You were both building up the expectations of a sexual encounter and when you cracked that joke ,it took the air out of the balloon.
If he values your friendship ,he will come around.
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A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (18 March 2010):
 You didn't do anything wrong. You're protecting yourself and righly so. If he's mature enough, he'll understand and realize that you didn't intend to hurt his feelings by saying this.
You don't know him and you were perfectly fine in saying what you did say. Don't be sad at the fact that he's sulking now...that's his problem. If he can't handle that, what else can't he handle?
If he's genuine about you, he should be happy to hear that you're a smart woman who knows how to look after herself. He shouldn't get upset.
Perhaps his feelings were hurt but the way he responded tells you a bit about his character. Stick to what you believe in and if he can't handle that and will be immature about, that's his problem.
Well done for saying what you did say. No need to feel sad or to apologize.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2010): I think if you are talking about sex everyday with some man you haven't even met then it's giving the wrong impression. He probably thought you were on board with the idea and then pulled the rug out. Next time, take things slower and don't jump into sex talk.
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A
female
reader, dummyduckling  +, writes (18 March 2010):
 No you did nothing wrong hun. You have every right to know who it is your talking to before you make any kind of commitment. i personally wouldnt have put it so bluntly but i can understand your predicament. dont feel down its better to be safe then sorry and at the end of the day you shouldnt be pressured in to something your not 100% sure about
hope that helped x
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