A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My friend and I have known each other for the last couple of years. We're very close to the point where I would refer to her as my sister. As far as I recall, she never referred to me as a brother. I recently got the feeling that she may like me more than a friend. It's just little stuff like her being irritated when I spend time with my crush,or another girl besides her. It could be that she's just over-protective? Someone very close to her died (relative) and she's been very depressed lately. I went to visit her at her house and she was in the middle of attempting suicide. I got her to stop but she was broken down and drowning in tears about how she didn't want to live anymore. She said that she thought life was meaningless and that she saw no point in going further. I did everything I could to reassure her of the opposite. after a heart-wrenching few hours of calming her down, she said that she was okay and she wanted to spend some time alone.Obviously I didn't trust her to be alone so I objected. I slept on the couch while she stayed in her room with the door open. I awoke the next morning to her staring out her window. She came to me and said that she was really alright and I had to get ready for work. I said that I could call out but she insisted that that would be foolish.I got ready to leave but not before hugging her and telling her that I loved her (FIRST time those words were said between us). I wanted her to feel loved and important. I wanted her to remember that there are people who cares about her if she ever decided to break-down again. A few day ago she sent me a text "I love you too :)"I felt a little embarrassed that those words were said but I convinced myself that it was a friendly gesture. My question is, was I wrong to have told her that I loved her? I do, as a sister, but could it have came across as something else? We haven't seen each other since. I have talked to her though over the phone so I know she's alright. If there's a chance that she took it in a different light, how do I approach that?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2015): Why don't you wait and see, and not jump to any conclusions before you see any evidence she took it any way but how you meant it?
If she starts behaving like you meant it in a romantic-sense; explain to her in a gentle way that you meant that like a sister. You have to be honest and not allow her to attach her feelings so deeply she becomes difficult to handle. Also be firm with her when she shows jealousy towards other girls you're interested in. Never allow that to happen without reminding her where you stand. She'll be a wedge when you do find that special girl you do desire romantically.
Don't treat her as a child; always insist that she face things in a mature way. If you have to say so in so many words. She will use her suicide threats to manipulate; and if that ever happens again, call her family and let them know the state she's in. Don't be a hero. You can't babysit her depression away, it doesn't subside over-night.
Suicidal-thoughts are a sign of a very serious emotional condition, or a mental-disorder; and someone closer to her should know that ever happened. Preferably her parents. Make them swear what you've told them is held in strict confidence for her sake. They probably already know, and I wouldn't be surprised if it hasn't happened before.
You used the L-word at a very vulnerable time. I can only advise that you clarify yourself on the first given opportunity.
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