A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi Im 19 years old and I have been together with my BF for 7 months now. Everything happened so fast, we met at a party and in less than a month we were together. I felt things were being rushed but he couldn't wait to make our relationship official through Facebook. He told me had fallen for me so fast; that he could help it. He had always been so sweet and little by little I started developing stronger feelings for him. It always seem like if he was always the one to love more in the relationship but now I think we are about the same. I have never had a BF as dedicated as him. He is always doing things so that we are together like he changed schools to be with me. He joined certain clubs to be with me. Anything I need he is truly there for me. He treats me like a queen. But now that I am very deeply in love with him i get scared n things get to me like never before. I was looking through his older pictures in Facebook and found pictures of him with comments of his previous GF. It really bothers me because I have deleted everything of previous BFs of my facebook (conversations, pictures) i have even given gifts back. He still keeps conversations and comments from his previous relationship which I don't understand because this girl really hurt him n cheated on him. The only reason that I can think that he would keep stuffs like that is because he still want to contact her or had/has feelings for her. I don't know. But I can't help to feel used because I see it as maybe he rushed in with me to get over her or make her jealous. That is why he had the need to make it public to everyone( i feel healso said he was rlly proud of being my BF ). There was also a point where he was really depressed and it was for numerous reasons. He said that things that didn't bother him started to. Among those things were his parents upcoming divorce, that girl that cheated on him and his fear of losing me. Which I understood and helped him through. He also confessed to me how that girl hurt him n how much it affected him. We went to one of his favorite places n stayed over for a couple days and we had so much fun. Later up in a conversation he told me how he txtd her to tell her how we were in this place bc apparently she wanted him to take her there so bad when they were together but they never did. At the time I didnt give it too much thought i sort of thought that there was no need for that. More recently, we have had a bit of disagreements n little fights but we always work things out. He always tells me how Im his soulmate n how he wants to marry me. I expressed my concern that Im scared of getting hurt and he always has to bring the cheating up from his EX. He says that he could never hurt me cus he knows how bad it feels to be cheated on. Like he doesn't mention her specifically but like i know he is referring to her. It hurts me a lot because i sometimes feel like he hasn't moved on like if what we have isnt enough for him to move on. The fact that he kept her number hurts me a lot n the fact that he keeps her comments bothers me too because i dont see the reason for it. I havent talked to him about all of this yet because I don't know if its necessary like Im convinced he feels a lot for me bc he does everything to make me happy and loved but at the same time i have that doubt of what if he used me in the beginning? I can't stand that and I don't think i could be with him if he admitted to it. Another thing is that we spend a lot of time together! And when we don't he gets really upset bc he says that he only wants to be with me. But if he used me I kinda think that he is just avoiding being alone cus he will be sad or think about his EX. I don't know if Im making a big deal about this but it makes me really sad.He always promises that he loves me n he also keeps all of his promises. Should I bring it up? What should I do?
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depressed, divorce, facebook, his ex, jealous, move on, soulmate Reply to this Question
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (22 July 2012):
 You are not making a big deal out of it. I won't call that using you as in exploitation but he wouldn't be with you if it wasn't for her cheating. It only seems like using because this relationship is not progressing. I mean he is nice to you, attentive to you, and says sweet things to you but he is not in the right frame of mind to be in a relationship, or to talk about marriage. To truly move on from a relationship he has to be single for a while, to not take the cheating personally. True it's a big deal but he has to move on by realizing that the relationship is ending anyway and it wasn't because he wasn't good enough and couldn't compare with the guy she cheated on.
It's bothersome for you to feel that he is with you because he knows you are not his ex, he is with you because the more time he spends with you the less chance you will be talking to other guys. He is with you so he can behave perfectly to reduce the chance of you cheating. In other words you are in his life to right his wrongs. That takes a lot of burden on you. You will find that after time his constant need for reassurance will drain you. Love should flow naturally. He should see you for who you are, love you like he has never loved or been hurt before. I think he should get rid of old pictures in his facebook. Ask him to do that. If he doesn't then he is not the perfect boyfriend he tries hard to be. Tell him you love everything he is minus his mentioning of his ex. His constant talking about cheating is driving you nuts. You got his point loud and clear. It won't make you any more loyal and disloyal. Tell him you don't feel the relationship starts until he feels indifference towards his ex.
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