A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi.I've been upset about something and i cant understand why.Last september,i met a guy who is two years younger than me in a nightclub and we swopped phone numbers.We texted each other alot for the first couple of weeks and i found out we had a lot in common.We liked alot of the same music and films.On the second week,we had our first,and only,date.I thought it went really well.We put some music on the jukebox and talked about each other.At the end of the night,he didnt kiss me or anything and he said he would see me again.So on the next week,i asked him about meeting up again andhe didnt reply to my message,i sent him afew messages until he replied .I'd said it felt like he wasnt interested in me,and he said when he doesnt reply it is either because he is asleep or working,he worked shifts then,not because he wasnt interested.On another two of the weeks.he went a whole week without texting me,and i hadnt text him.It wasnt two weeks in total,it was on seperate occassions,such as one week he tex,the next he did,the next he did then didnt e.t.c.A week before we stopped talking,i asked him if he wanted to meet up,and he said he had to babysit but see if his mum would cover,i asked him to go out on the saturday,however,saturday came,and i didnt hear anything from him,and i was annoyed.Even if he hadnt wanted to meet up,he could have told me,so i text him and told him i was going out anyway and i told him he should have let me knw even if he didnt want to met up.Afew days later,i sent him a message asking what was happening and that if i didnt get a reply from him,i would just assume he didnt want to see me anymore.However afew days later i gave in and asked him if i had done anything wrong.He replied and said i hadnt but he had been busy and he told me he didnt think it was going to work out between us.He said it was because he was busy alot with his shift work and it wasnt fair on me.I asked if we could still be friends and still talk to each other and he said we could.However,i ended up saying that if he knew he was going to be busy alot,he should never have given me his number in the first place.The last time we spoke was nine months ago.Earlier this year,i found one of his friends on a social networking site,this friend was withh im when we met so he knew me.I told him me and that guy hadnt spoke for afew months,but i still wanted to be friends with them both and asked his friend if he thought that guy would mind me contacting him again,and his friend said he didnt think he would mind.This guy was on his friend's list of friend's on the site.His friend added me as a friend and has always been nice to me when we have spoke every so often.I sent that guy a message on the site though,saying i hoped he didnt mind me contacting him,,but he didnt respond.At first he only had afew friends on there,but now he has alot,male and female.I dont know if it was my fault for what happened,but thinking back to how i was with him,there are some things i did that i wish i could have changed.Maybe i was too impatient with him ?.I was annoyed with myself for being like that.But then,i think some of his behaviour was wrong too.I just wish we could start again and be friends,I know that's all we were anyway,but at the time,i think i just assuumed he wanted a relationship since i knew he fancied me and i fancied him,and maybe he did want a relationship but i tried to rush it too much.It ruined my confidence as it made me think thee is something wrong with me.I would proably feel uncomfortable if i bumped into him anywhere aswell.I couldnt believe at the time how intense he had been in the beginning,on the night we met,he was staring at me for ages,and as i said,we were texting each other alot,and then it ended the way it did.Has anyone else here ever regretted something like this,whether you knew the person for a short amount of time or for along time and wished you had done things differently ?.Incase you havent worked it out,we were in contact for two months altogether.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2008): hey, I understand how you feel. I went through something very similar a few years back. I get the impression you basically scared him off, being abit too suffercating with your constant texts. I'm sure he geniunely did like you to start with, but was probably just after some fun rather than a full blown relationship. Which i know sounds bad, but thats how some guys are.
Obviously you can try and persue a friendship with him, but do you not think that might be too hard, as from your post, you seem to still have strong feelings for him.
P
A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (17 July 2008):
This guy's lame excuse of "sorry when i dont reply its because im really busy with work" is a cover up for the truth.
In the beguining when you know he was keen he found the time to text you ALOT, but then he lost interest or something and he suddnely didnt have the time.
When a person likes a person alot, believe me they DO find the time to talk to them. If he was a decent guy he would of told you straight out in the beguining as soon as he knew he didnt want anything more with you, but he didnt...he chose to be gutless and lead you on in fear of making himself look bad.
I cant say what changed this guys mind, but what I can say is that it says more about him, then it does about you. It does not mean you are worthless or did anything wrong.
You gave the r/ship its best shot I think and any other girl in your position would of handled it the way you did. You were not too impatient, I think you expecttions of geting a reply from him were very reasonable. He was the one who was unreasonable thinking that he can just ignore somoenes texts for so long. I takes like 1min max to reply saying something...no one is that busy they cant take out 1 min of there day.
I get the feeling that this guy may of just wanted sex or something VERY casual. I think this because he is young and he met you at a club. Very typical for males who go clubbing. Also, due to the fact that in the beguining he was all over you, as he was trying to charm you and make you want him...then he might of realised that he didnt have a good chance at geting you into bed so quickly, and he also realised that you were serious about him and he didnt want to have to live up to 'high expectations' of replying to a text when he gets oen...so he gave up.
You can do better then this guy :) Dont let what he thinks and did to you get you down and make you think any less of yourself.
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