A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I recently found out that my husband had a close (non sexual) relationship with a work colleague. It has now all stopped as they don't work together any more and I am sure my husband is telling the truth as he is devastated at how hurt I am. It was after I had our second child and I went off sex and was constantly tired and gave him little or no attention even though he never stopped showing me how much he adored me. So I can understand to some extent. My questions are a)do you think I'm stupid accepting what he did and b)how should I behave towards him in order to make him love me so much that I am all he ever needs? Should I show my feelings and constantly let him know how hurt I am and try my best to please him and keep him happy in all departments. Or should I be flippant and confident and show that I am getting my life back on track but then he might think I've shaken it off and am getting over it (which I can't). I want him to know how hurt I am but don't want to seem like a pathetic little doormat. How should I behave for the best to keep his respect but also not let him forget how this has hurt me? Thanks x Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (6 April 2010):
 your husband put a stop to it the close relationship he had with her has stop right? It never became sexual fling which is good but when emotions are invested in a person that could be troublesome. Try to be close to your hubby be interested in his activity remember and look back on how this has hurt you anytime you want to depart from him. I always think a person who cheats is looking for the thrill the excitement and might go after the moment of pleasure knowing the danger this might bring, but a person who get emotionally involve might feel as they found love and pursued this feeling and will be more willing to leave everything for that one special person.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2010): An emotional affair is a real thing that can be devastating to a relationship. You do have the right to be hurt that he sought closeness outside of your relationship. Instead of trying to find a starting point to bring your relationship back to its original state, he is confiding in a female coworker. While he may not feel that he is in the wrong, he is still looking outside of the relationship for something that is completely between y'all. After my last child I had the exact same lack of interest in sex. I still loved my boyfriend, but sex was just the last thing on my mind. Men associate sex with intimacy. whereas women may associate cuddling or other close emotional moments. It's really just a difference in perspectives. It's hard to understand eachother because you both are trying to be intimate in your own way. It seemed awkward and silly to me, but we had some extremely open and honest conversations about how we feel about sex. We each surprised the other. We realized that we have a very strong relationship, but we had just gotten ourselves on different pages of the same book. He slowed down to let me catch up, and we focused on the nonsexual intimacy that I craved. Without him pressuring sex those intimate moments turned into sex before we knew it! You aren't pathetic! One thing I tell everyone who will listen is that it doesn't matter what you did or why you did it, what matters is how it made the other person feel. You are a team and he must respect your feelings as you must respect his. Find a middle ground and take baby steps. Also consider the possibility that you may have post partum depression. A very small dose of antidepressant could make a big difference.
...............................
|
