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male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Can someone help me out please? I was in a relationship for about 8 months last summer with a girl who i met at uni and lived close to my home. The relationship was amazing and we got along so well, never argued and spent all our time together. She was everything i wanted in a relationship and more.At the end of summer she went back to university where we had met and where i had just graduated from. Everything was going great and i was seeing her most of the time. But then it came to me leaving to go on to further study as a pilot which ment i was living hundreds of miles away for a few months and then moving abroad for a year to continue my studying which happens in a few weeks. The first month of been away took its toll on the relationship and she really missed me and was getting depressed that she wasnt seeing me and that i was moving abroad for a year.After about a month of not seeing each other she eventually finished it and i was heart broken. She said she couldnt deal with the situation at the time because of the distance and she was missing me but she really wanted to stay friends and also really wanted to get back together when i returned in a years time. I found it difficult and miss her and we have kept in contact for a few months until the other week when she text me saying she was back with her ex who she cheated on and finished because of the distance again, but now hes back living close to her again now. She said she was sorry but wants to stay friends. I was heart broken because i was hoping we were gonna get back together in a year or so but this seems impossible now. She hasnt made any effort to contact me in a month (since the text) and her relationship is all over facebook from what i have heard. I am really unsure what to do? I dont no whether to contact her. I have a lot of things to say to her good/bad because she never let me speak about our breakup because she didnt want to re-live it, but this may just cause an argument. I really miss her but she has annoyed me with what shes done, it seems she doesnt care about my feelings. But i did hope to get back together in a year but doesnt seem like its gonna happen anymore. I saw her as the one and she felt the same at the time.I feel really down cos i miss her, have no confidence and have a lot of studying. I still miss her and currently not interested in anyone but her, but i feel like i wont ever meet someone i get on with so well. I feel I've been selfish and solely concentrated on my career and now i regret it.Any help and advise for what to do would be really appreciated! Thanks
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2010): Thanks for the comments and advice.
My head says move on with my career and my heart says try and get her back. I am extremly annoyed with what shes done to me and feel i dont deserve this treatment but at the same time i loved her to bits and have never met someone i get on with so well.
I understand her wanting to break it off because she was so depressed and wanting to give it another go when i return but why lie to me and get back with her ex? I agree its pathetic and immature. Its been my dream to follow my career but should i have followed it and lost the one i truely love?
I still feel i want her in my life but i dont no whether i am just holding out incase she realises shes made a big mistake? Not sure whether to contact her? Delete her from fb? Tell her how i truely feel because iv made out i am coping fine?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2010): Thanks for the comments, they are much appreciated!
I am just unsure on what to do now. She initially wanted to get back with me and stay in contact as friends and then within 2 months she is back with her ex who she cheated on to get out of the relationship first time but never told him. Since then she hasnt texted me.
I really miss her and at the moment cant imagine been with anyone else but am finding it really difficult to come to terms with what she has done.
Should i tell her how i feel, should i have no contact? I havent been able to bring myself to go on facebook because it will hurt me. At the moment i no its not realistic to get back together but i feel i want to when i am back and if i cant have her as a gf i dont want to lose her as a friend but im not sure whether i can face speaking to her with how i feel. I think it will just hurt me more? Or should i just give up?
Any comments would really help?
Thanks
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A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (30 March 2010):
 She could not stop you pursuing your career, ... you could not stop her choosing to not put her life on hold.
Look at it that way and she no more disregarded your feelings than you did hers. It was hurting her to have a long distance not physical contact situation, and if you loved her, you would not want her to spend a year or more feeling pain when she could move on with her life, just as you were doing with yours by going away to study.
I don't think anyone has to be blamed or called selfish out of this, ... it was just bad timing.
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A
female
reader, bday121  +, writes (30 March 2010):
 You're making an important investment in your future career - don't regret that! If it's really meant to be than the two of you can work it out once you return home. Although the break might feel like an eternity, a year really isn't THAT long.
I'm sorry that your ex has moved on without you, but maybe that's what you should do too. You're both still young and dating around will do you good. Grieve this loss, then keep your eyes open for other girls. Who knows, you might find somebody better! And if not, then return home with a (hopefully) clear head and try contacting your ex. It's possible that she's just dealing with missing you by rebounding with her ex. I've seen it happen many a time. Not all hope is lost, but be open to the possibilities that you could find someone better and that your ex might be done for good.
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