A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:About 2 weeks ago 3 guys that I met while I was at my aunt's house called to say that they were driving to my town to see me and that we should meet up and hang out. First of all I was in shock that they were driving about 130 miles just to see me. Also I was secretly happy that I made such a good impression on them for them to want to see me. Wow looking back I was really naive. When they got to my town it was about 10 PM. I didn't want to go by myself so I took 2 cousins with me. (One of them was younger and the other was my age.) We met by these woods not that far away from my house. They brought alcohol with them. They said that they already drank beer and that they won't drink with us. So me and my cousin drank by ourselves. I had about 3 shots of 70% home-made "vodka". That is really not a lot for me. A week before I was at a wedding and drank 5 shots of a similar home made vodka, and about 20 shots of 40% vodka throughout 6 hours. I was fine, I did not feel drunk at all. (All of this happened in Eastern Europe, where the drinking age is lower and everyone likes to drink a lot.) My cousin who is a lot skinnier than me and usually can't drink as much as I can had the same amount as me and was fine. I remember being fine too. I did not feel drunk at all. Usually when alcohol starts to effect me my lips go numb. i don't remember this happening that night. The last thing that I do remember is my crush walking by. That's it, the next thing I knew I was in my bed, still in my clothes. I don't even know what time I got home, my grandma tells me it was at 3:30 AM. That morning I got a text message that I had sex with one of the guys. I was in shock! I was still a virgin and had not planned on having sex for a while. When I confronted the guy that I had sex with, he said that it happened and that I wanted it. That I was the one that said lets have sex. The one that started kissing him and that I even screamed things like faster and harder. I don't remember a thing and don't know what to believe. It just really sucks loosing your virginity in such a way and feeling like a whore. Oh and by the way my cousins left me around 2. I really wish that they hadn't.
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female
reader, anonymousanonymous  +, writes (4 November 2008):
Hi dear,
first and foremost i would like you to ignore the ignorant messages posted by the male contributors. This is because they will most likely never be able to understand even remotely what it is like to be raped and definitely dont at the moment.
Your story caught me because it is very similar to mine. I was at a students club this year with my cousin and i had only had one drink. However i could not remember most of the night the following morning but woke up to cigarrette taste on my lips and i do not smoke. The next week, this guy that i had only kissed the previous year and who had liked me for a long time although i had refused to have sex or any physical contact with told me that i had had sex with him that night outside the club. I was devastated and confused for a long time and sometimes i still get confused. I blamed myself for a long time and also my cousin slightly for not watching out for me. I believe that my drink was spiked with a drug.(I also usually have a very high tolerance for alcohol so definitely one long island cocktail would not black out my memory) So my answer to you is that yes although it is very hard to come to terms with it (I dont think that i have) you were raped.
Do not blame yourself, speak to someone you really trust and if not, speak to counsellors, call a help line just to help you deal with the trauma, self doubt, self judgement and all those other things...Know that you are not alone and that you are among many other people.
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/154100/after_rape_long_term_effects_of_suppressing.html?cat=72
I hope you can deal with it in time,
Love and support,
ms.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (17 September 2008):
 Well, your underwear being inside out doesn't happen by itself.
I of course can't comment on soarness, only know that some women feel it after sex, especially the first time. But the sex might not have lasted long at all.
Your tampon being gone suggest you had been raped while you wear out of it. The alcohol itself is enough without any other drugs to have been involved.
Nonetheless it seems likely now that it was rape, sex against your will or while you were unable to consent to it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I had my period while it happened. When I woke up the next morning I freaked out because I knew that my tampon was in for more than 8 hours and I was afraid of getting Toxic Shock Syndrome. But when I went to the bathroom to take it out, it was nowhere to be found. I even looked for it inside of myself, thinking it got pushed up somehow but it was gone. Then I just thought to myself that I must have taken it out when I got home. My underwear was messy because I had my period and no tampon/pad for a few hours. Also it was put on inside out. But the weird thing is that I did not feel soar at all. Even while I was looking for my tampon, I did not feel and strange pain. (It was slight as if I were putting a tampon in, which I think is normal because I was putting my finger in.) The thing that surprises me even more is that about a week ago I went to the gynecologist who inserted a metal speculum into my vagina. That was very painful and uncomfortable. I even felt pain the next morning and a little pain the morning after that. So why didn't I feel anything after I supposedly had sex?
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A
male
reader, Sandman +, writes (14 September 2008):
 Hmmm....
You are misguided in your alcohol consumption and how this all works. You say that at the party in Europe, you drank as much as you did over a six hour period. Okay. But two weeks ago, you drank only over (about) a 3-4 hour period. While you probably didn't drink as much as you have before, you drank this amount FASTER - thus increasing your BAC (blood alcohol level) faster than in Europe. A higher BAC can lead to blackouts - not remembering past events while drunk (ironically, this is the brains way of protecting itself when stressed or injured). It can also lead to bad judgment decisions. You may not have remembered having sex because you got so drunk that you simply don't remember. Also, did you eat anything? Or were you drinking on an empty stomach? If this is case, it doesn't matter what you have done before, alcohol is really effective at causing drunkenness when consumed on an empty stomach (or not eating while drinking).
And the other thing you didn't take into account (or didn't realize) is that you only remember up to a certain point because your brain only WANTS you to remember up to that point. You COULD have drank a whole lot more. For example, I got so drunk once and remember up to a certain point. I was told by my friends of having drank some more AFTER my point of remembrance. Allegedly, I said some things (some horrible things) to people I don't even remember seeing! So while according to my memory I stopped drinking at a certain point, the truth is that I drank far more AFTER that. The same COULD be the case with you.
OR, you could have been given a drug. I am having a difficult time with that though. I would imagine that your cousins would have been given the same drug to meet the same fate as you. I'm just guessing though. It could be that you got drunk and don't remember the events that took place after a certain point.
BUT, after saying all that - if you were either really drunk or given a drug - the unequivocal truth is YOU WERE RAPED! If you were not in the capacity to give consent or make a uninhibited decision, and he had sex with you - no matter how many times you told him harder and faster, he RAPED you! I just want to be perfectly clear on that.
So, what will you do? Do you learn from your mistakes and move on - taking this information to make better decisions next time? Or do you pursue charges against your "crush" for rape? While he may NOT have intended on doing this - meaning his intentions were not to "rape" you by getting you drunk - the reality is that he did take advantage of your uninhibited state of drunkenness (or drug) and had sex with you. So...
Hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy +, writes (14 September 2008):
You were drunk.
Alcohol affects you, any amount does. It is chemistry and 5 shots would be enough to have a serious effect on me and I am fairly sure I am a LOT larger then you.
Do you the best way to know that you are under the affect of alcohol? When you think you are not and start to do little tests to prove it. You don't remember going numb, but you don't remember anything anyway, what makes you think you would remember that? Alcohol affects your JUDGEMENT, including the capacity to judge your drunkeness.
Date rape drugs are an american thing, in europe alcohol, as you know now, does the trick. Well alcohol and teenage girls who think they can drink with middle aged guys twice their weight.
Yeah it sucks to have this happen but maybe when you have a daughter of your own 8 months and two weeks from now, you will be able to tell her not to be YASTG (yet another stupid teenage girl).
However, there is an easy way to check if you had sex. Was your underwear messy? Did you feel soar, was their residue etc etc.
It is unlikely you would wake up and not know you had sex from the state of your body.
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