A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I am worried I may have been fooled by a man i met through a dating site. We went out five times, after every other date he mailed me and said thank you. He stated he wasnt looking for one night stands etc However after this last one I have heard nothing. We slept together on date 3, and both agreed the sex was good. However on the last date we were at a hotel, and i was more open sexually what I liked(nothing too weird or demanding or forward, but I was quite honest! So was he though.) He was turned on, things went well. We had sex again before he left. But now I am worried he thinks I am a "just for now" slutty girl, or even worse, that he has done with it all. I hate sitting here waiting to hear from him, I am not sure if perhaps I should make the first move. i am scared of being rejected because I do like this man.What would you do?
View related questions:
one night stand Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2008): UPDATE!
Just wanted to thank you for allyour advice!
I mailed him to say thanks and he mailed back to arrange another date! It turns out in the end that he was a bit pissed off that he always emailed me to thank me.And I could totally see his point in the end, no reason why girls cant say thanks too!
But thanks so much for all your time and kind words, they really made me see there was no shame in just asking.
Thanks very much xxxxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2008): I would contact him. Like others have said, what have you got to lose. When I first started dating the person who is now my wife, I asked her for a second date at the end of our first date. I had 2 tickets to a hockey game that weekend and she turned me down because she had a date for that night. We worked at the same company. I was headed to ask another woman out when she caught up with me in the hallway. She had been running up and down the halls looking for me. She asked me where I was going and I told her I was looking for Xxxxx. She asked me if I still wanted to take her to the game and I said OK. If she had not made that move we may have never gone out again and we would have both missed out on partners that we both think are the best that we ever had. By the way, we were both your age at the time.
Call him and ask how he is doing. I don't know how to fit it into the conversation, but somehow ask him if there is something bothering him about your last date. Perhaps he misunderstood something that you told him. He may think that something that you said meant that you were unhappy with his lovemaking. I have misunderstood my wife's statements at times. Women are not the only ones who can get hurt from something said and misunderstood. It happens to men just as often. There could be other reasons that he has not called you. Of course, it could be that he wants to end the relationship, but it is not the thing to do to just assume that and give up on it. However, be prepared for the possibility that he no longer wants to date you.
You had 2 dates after the first time you slept together, so he obviously wasn't just interested in adding your name to his list of conquests. If you like the guy then don't just let a possible good relationship end because of a possible misunderstanding. Just keep an open mind. And use both your heart and your brain in your relationships.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2008): Hi Hunny,
Im with irish on this one, You are worth so much more than sitting and waiting to be contacted, You both!!! had great sex. Carry on with your life sweetheart, Personally I wouldnt be waiting hunny, If he gets intouch great if not no skin of your nose thats my advise love TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOU WITH LOVE MANDY xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2008): Sorry, an error...I said,
"don't date him because you are afraid of rejection."
I meant to say,
"don't CALL him because you are afraid of rejection."
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2008): You may not like what I have to say, but I won't pander you. I hate being negative, but sometimes, things must be faced in order to get on with life. I think unless he has fallen off the face of the earth, there is NO reason he couldn't have called you after a night of sex. Men go in hot, hot hot pursuit of a female that interests them. He's not doing this. Because if he called you and 'thanked you' after each date where there was no sex, then what is his behaviors telling you, now? Men are very competitive in the relationship/love game. Most guys live by the credo 'if you snooze you lose" so I have to say if he was that into you, he should've called you immediately, the next day. Most guys, once they get there foot in the door with a woman and they like her...they pursue aggressively for fear that 'not contacting' you will cause them to lose her"
Sorry to say...I really think this guy may be a player (I hope I'm wrong..really I do) and it's probable he has done this to many more unsuspecting females. So ignore him. Keep that pride intact and keep using your head. There are men ( an women do this too) who use dating sites to troll for partners, people who date, mate, dump and run. So now, you say "I am scared of being rejected because I do like this man." It really appears you got too emotionally attached. Listen, sex drives the heart and women, even intelligent, bright girls like yourself... fall for it, everytime. Then in which case..you are not thinking with your brain-your are thinking with your heart. But you need to use reality based 'discrimination' in order to evaluate and assess what type of man is good for your life and your future happiness. This guy may have got you in bed all for his own self-gratification. Let this go-you are better than this. That you have so much to offer a great guy...just not this guy. So..ignore him-no more contact. He ain't getting the free goodies off you anymore. Keep your pride intact and do not text him. If he does contact you, in a few days, he may or may not have a good reason. Make a decision then. But for god's sake, don'tr date him because you are afraid of rejection. That's needy and it says you need to work on your self-esteem.
Accept right now...if he hasn't made any more attempts to contact you back-it's probable, he never will. So d on't waste of your time and efforts. If you were to focus in on him-he's got to you. Women really have to think like men in the dating arena. If they did, they wouldn't be getting so darned hurt. But because you aren't using your strength---here you wait, wondering, getting pissed off for him, feeling dejected. Stop doing that, girl. No one should have that power over your life. Especially some guy you dated 3 times and had a good romp with. That's no life to choose. Use your head, your common sense, your rationalization' and stop caring. Get off the dating sites and meet a nice, decent guy in the real world. Take your time-no sex on the 3rd date and go slow. Get started on a renewed path in life, where you can begin building yourself a new life, one with a future and with someone who can commit to YOU and puts you number one, top priority in his life.
...............................
A
female
reader, Cherriepie  +, writes (22 January 2008):
 It sounds like you alrady got somethign good with him. maybe he just needs a little space and thinks things are moving too fast. Who knows. Just email him text him to let him know you still exist...call him. DOnt wait for him to call. If after a while hes doesnt seem to return your calls or texts...you may just have to call him a loss...but dont go ther just yet. Sometimes guys are just like that after you have sex with them...its either he gets better and closer to you...or he backs off and keeps you as booty call.
I'm guilty of using guys the same way too, after sex..even if it was good sex. I might just call him booty call and not boyfriend material. Maybe its because sex is all its about. You have to look back and ask yourself if it was more than sex, to see if theres any future in the relationship. Could be all it was was about the seduction.
Good luck hun!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2008): You haven't heard from him since the last time you slept together? If I'm being cynical, sounds like he may have got what he wanted and has moved on to the next conquest. There may be an innocent explanation, of course, so I would call him (what's to lose?) before leaping to conclusions.
...............................
A
female
reader, Dawnie  +, writes (22 January 2008):
 I don't think there is anything wrong in you contacting this man and seeing how he is. As you say you like him, he likes you too. If for some reason he is not interested then at least you know, and that has to be better than waiting around for him to contact you. Good luck.
...............................
|
