A
female
age
51-59,
*oxemilyxox
writes:i was seeing my now ex for 6 months, i realised he had a drinking problem, and i made him choose me or drink, after a row, it was causing problems in our relationship, he promised to give up the drinking and get help, he managed to do really well for about three weeks, then one day decided to have a drink, which turned into a days bender, that evening he broke his leg while creeping outside at 3.30 in the morning to get my car, (while he was banned and done prison time for same) and fell over my sons bike braking his leg, he also took some money of mine for the drink. obviously he lied to where he was going, i found it hard to forgive but had him back in my life and he promised again to change.6 weeks later after being dry decided to have another drink which led to all day, that evening he wanted more and decided to go and get some cigs for me, an hour later he still had not come back and i saw he had taken my car and my bank card, which i would not have minded but he was drunk. i called him on the phone and told him directly to get my car and card back, and not to use it. an hour later he returned drunk and i relaised 400 pounds had been taken from my account, i went mad and had him arrested for fraud and driving while banned, it had all got on top of me, the lies manipulation and i feel i have been conned by this man. he was a lovely man but when drunk was a danger to himself and others, he did not seem to have a clue what he was doing.i am going ahead with court case, but i am feeling very guilty for grassing him up, i miss the relationship we had, i do not know what his excuse is for doing to us, as he is on bail with no contact conditions, i hate the thought that we are at war.any advice and can anyone help me with the emotions im going through, was i conned or had he not thought about the consequences
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female
reader, CeeBee  +, writes (13 February 2009):
Not Fair, you sound like a very tolerant and forgiving person, maybe that is why he was attracted to you. It is not your role to help with his drinking problem, it is his responsibility. Move on, if he comes back clean and dry in later months or years then maybe you guys can try for a new relationship. There are alot of nice guys out there. Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2009): One word! Addiction! When a person is addicted to anything, including alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex...they have no conscience. He probably was sincere about quiting. But he continues to relapse. It's a strong physiological, psychological hold on a person. It's a desease that tells you that you don't have a desease. It is next to impossible to do it on his own. And if he is not willing to get help...there is nothing you can do to help him! EXCEPT...maybe what you did. An addict needs to hit rock bottom. And maybe doing some jail time will help him to hit that bottom.
I lived with addiction for many years. I spent time in 12 step programs and know how cunning this sickness can be.
Also...one is too many and a thousand never enough!
He wasn't conning you, the addiction was conning him. So, try not to take it personally. He didn't mean to hurt you. If he should contact you, continue with tough love! Don't enable him by forgiving him. The only way to help him is Not to help him!
Good Luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2009): I wouldn't say you were conned. When people have an addiction it's like they are a whole nother person and the real them doesnt realize what they are doing, you know? I agree with your decision to take hime to court, sometimes it takes something like that to make someone realize how bad they are and that they need help. I hope he can get the help he needs and I hope that you make it through this ok! Good luck!!
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A
female
reader, shna  +, writes (13 February 2009):
 when people are drunk they dont usually think about what can haapen tomorrow or in an hour . . they live for the moment ??
you were not conned thats such a harsh word . . you were taken advantage of he stole 400 euro on you and drank drove . . . and attempted it . . . he lied to you constantly
he has a disease so you cant blame him for his problems he has to realise before anybody else what is wrong with himself
i no its hard to avoid the worng sort of person but there is good and bad in everyone
mabye after the trial if he gets better you could try and look at the better side of him and not his flaws it could make you both feel better
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