A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i was just looking for a few opinions on this matter. u didn't know if this was completely my fault and i ran this girl off or if she was overly judgemental and unforgiving.so i met this girl a couple of weeks back. we hit it off immediately. great chemistry, great conversation, immediate attraction, etc. we got to where we were talking constantly and i was certain we'd begin a relationship. she told me how into me she was and how she hadn't smiled this much in years. and she told me she already had strong feelings for me, etc. it was definitely mutual.well her past relationship was with an emotionally and physically abusive person that would constantly accuse her of lying, among many other things. unfortunately, my previous relationship had consisted of constantly being lied to. i'm not by nature a non-trusting person though. i am still pretty reasonable with my trust, considering, but i have my moments that when things seem shady i assume the worst. that being said, her and i were talking a few nights back while she was at work, and then all of a sudden she stopped responding and i didn't hear from her for the rest of the night. i assumed she was busy or fell asleep or something. it kind of bothered me only because it was out of character based on all the other nights we'd spoken until we said goodnight to one another. so it kind of nagged at me a bit, but not too much. well the next morning she texted me bright and early when she got to work and told me she'd accidentally left her phone at work that's why she didn't respond anymore. and something about that made me skeptical. how often do people accidentally leave their phones at work?? maybe i'm wrong but it just seemed far fetched to me. so anyway, at this point i just told her that if there was something she needed to tell me she didn't have to feel like she had to hide it. i didn't even necessarily mean it in the sense of being shady, either. i just meant it like if she just honestly went home and fell asleep, or if she was out with friends, or if something came up, anything.. i just wanted her to know she could tell me the truth and not worry about having to make up an excuse because i wouldn't be mad.. i thought she may have felt obligated to lie you know what i mean? anyway, she blew up on me and told me that i couldn't let my trust issues with my ex come between her and i. i told her she was right and immediately apologized to her. she then told me that if she wanted to be with someone who accused her of lying all the time she would have stayed with her ex. i was completely floored. i tried to get her to talk to me since but she won't. was i completely in the wrong?? or did she somewhat over react? i know she came out of a bad relationship, but i'm not like that. she didn't even give me a chance to explain...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2011): To answer your first question, "How often do people accidentally leave their phones at work??" -- It probably doesn't happen often to anyone. But, I've done it a couple of times. I've also left it at home on a few occasions. Usually it's because I've been using it--calling or texting--and then I set it down on the desk or a table instead of putting it back in my purse. Then I turn off the computer or go grab my lunch out of the fridge, forget the phone is still on the desk/table and leave without it.
So don't automatically assume she's lying to you. It's really frustrating to be accused of lying when you're telling the truth.
A
male
reader, mrg123  +, writes (13 July 2011):
 No you weren't 'completely in the wrong'; you were trying to be sensitive and considerate towards her feelings BUT remember the old maxim 'the road to hell is paved with good intentions'. She did overreact but the real question you have to ask is why did she. It's because you touched a raw nerve.The core problem here and indeed potentially this entire relationship is not just the amount but the way she and maybe you too some degree is carrying the baggage from your previous relationships. Your letting her baggage govern your behaviour towards her and that is worrying and because you brought it up and let it govern your response its not surprising it put her on edge. It will start to weigh you down too if you carry it all the time. I know your just trying to be nice but I think what she needs from you is to forget her baggage and just treat her as you would anybody else. When the baggage becomes relevant then of course you may well need to talk it through but I wouldn't try and introduce it into day to day discourse by making allowances that wouldn't otherwise make. This will help her in her healing process and help her let go which you both need for her to do to move forward.Hope that helps. Good luck :)x
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