A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:The other day my boyfriend called me by his ex's name. He was making me laugh because I had been previously upset with a family member. All of a sudden while he was telling me a joke he used her name instead of mine. He was with her for three years and she was nasty to him, so it ended on a bad foot. We became a couple about a month or two after they broke up. He's never called me by her name before nor have I called him by my ex's name. We've been together for almost 11 months. When it happened he went into this emotional rant. He kept saying he understands if I wanna leave him, that we'll get your stuff ready to move out, and that we'd never be the same, that I'd never forget that. He cried and cried because he was so sure I was gonna leave him. This has never happe.ed to me before. It's been on my mind all day and I have no idea how to feel about it. I'm so confused about this whole situation
View related questions:
broke up, his ex, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2013): From personal experience, I have accidentally called my current partner by my exes name when we have been arguing. I think it was because it brought back memories of previous arguments I had with my ex.
My partner has also called me by his exes name once when he was very tired and had a few drinks.
Don' take it personally, at least he called you by her name when you were arguing and not during sex!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2013): Honestly, this is anyone's worst nightmare. I had an old ex call me her previous BF's name when we were drunk and bickering one night. Turns out she still loved him...but that's another story.
I'd say it's likely a 50:50 shot that it was a complete slip-up (everyone makes mistakes), or he still has feelings for her.
...............................
A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (26 February 2013):
 This is probably a bloke's worst nightmare, and your boyfriend obviously feels awful about it.
Don't read too much into it, really. When you're with someone for a long time, it just becomes a habit, that's all. It doesn't mean he still has feelings for her at all.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 February 2013):
 OH please he's so over reacting to a slip of the tongue...
He's afraid you will leave because he accidentally called you by his ex's name.... BFD in my book.
My father has been with his gf for 17 years. they live together... for all intents and purposes I call her my stepmom.... he still calls her by my mother's nick name now and again... I CRINGE for her when I hear it... but she ignores it... as she should.
i've called my current husband by my ex husband's name now and again
as long as it's not during sex I'm fine with it....
and I'm betting he's very embarrassed and afraid you will be angry over a simple slip of the tongue.
my grandmother used to call us by everyone's names till she got to the one she wanted... daughter one name, daugher two name, daughter three name... grandchild 1 name,... down all 5 grandchildren.... then she would tack on all our dogs...
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (26 February 2013):
 A single slip-of-the-tongue, such as you've described, should get an immediate "pass"... in the form of ignoring it, or of making some glib remark about it.... and then be forgotten....
Repeated slips of the tongue will/would/could tell you something much different....
Good luck....
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2013): Well for starters your relationship is very young, and for anyone to slip, doesn't really mean anything and you could be reading into it to hard. For some people it would be an easy excuse to get out of a relationship if one was to slip like that.The fact of the matter is he had a three year relationship with this woman and probably mentioned her name at least 10 a day. I'm sure when they argued it rolled off the tongue. People often switch to using names like "Babe", or "Baby". It's a safer way to not slip even if you use those names in all of your previous relationshipsMy suggestion is to laugh it off. Obviously it is not done on purpose and anyone who has come out of a long term relationship is trying to change what was part of their day to day. The crying sounds a bit dramatic and all he can do is apologize. It's best to try to understand with him, and just talk. I don;t understand why couple have a hard time talking about issues. This one is so small, it should be very easy to have a laugh over and understand each other so he doesn't make the same mistake and offend you in front of a group of people.I hope this helps and you two can enjoy your relationship. Don;t sweat the small things, stay honest with each other, and make a difference in your lives together.
...............................
A
female
reader, Nime +, writes (26 February 2013):
 I don't think you have anything to worry about and you should just put this behind you. Your boyfriend was with his ex for 3 whole years, and that's a long time of saying somebody's name. When he said his ex's name he was probably rushing to get a joke out (i.e., not thinking about what he was saying as much as what he was GOING to say) and his ex's name just tripped out of his mouth out of habit, or muscle memory. Look up "muscle memory" - sometimes it's hard to override, like when your fingers know how to type in a password that your mind has forgotten. I was with my ex-boyfriend for 4 years and I still call people his name. Sometimes I used to call him my twin brother's name when I got excited, like I was ranting or trying to be funny. Sometimes my brother calls his girlfriend my name and sometimes he calls me her name. Sometimes my father calls me my brother's name, and vice versa. The point is, sometimes we mix up names and it always means NOTHING. Please try to move on from this and let your boyfriend know there is nothing to forgive and you love him. He sounds like he is really beating himself up over this and he doesn't deserve that. You are a very lucky girl to have such a nice guy!
...............................
|
