A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I've been dieting and lost 12 lbs thus far. I was doing this mainly to lose some tummy fat that settled as I have grown a little older. This seems to be the hardest area for me to lose it.My boyfriend, we are talking about marriage, and have seen each other for 4 years, likes to indulge in porn movies once in a while while we have sex. I try to be open minded.Well, of course, a young woman, with a tip top body, is in the porn movie. My boyfriend turned to me and that maybe I could have as good a body as hers.I wasn't sure how to take that statement. I'm pretty proud what I have lost so far. It has not been easy and it has been a struggle. I'm not a young thing anymore and I don't know if I could ever attain that look that this woman in the porn movie had unless I had plastic surgery. In my 20's, yes, my body wasn't bad, but time doesn't stop and age starts to creep in.I'm thinking women have enough pressure as it is with body image let alone being compared to some porn women.Am I over reacting? I let his comment slide because I didn't want to become some psycho about it.
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female
reader, Pr3tty_in_pink86  +, writes (13 August 2013):
All the guys who say these insensitive things are always ugly themselves. What you said is as bad as the things my ex said. These people live in a world that is completely dettached from real life. The people in those videos shouldn't even be thought about for more than a few seconds.
A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (13 August 2013):
 Hey, just tell him you would also like someone like George Clooney, now he should be able to compare to him in terms of age, next time he will think before he opens his mount.
Don't take it to heart, also if he could get a 20 year bomb, then show him the door! You need to not show tension and anger but say it light heartedly and rest assured he will get the message.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (13 August 2013):
 I think some men purposefully make women feel insecure to bring them down to their level. Insecure women are less likely to leave their men. They spend a lot of time trying to please their men. They get distracted and lose track of what they really should be focusing on, which is being happy together with your partner.
Some will tell you, get plastic surgery, then dump him.
Don't even bother. There are lot of men who will appreciate your body and treat you nicely. You can never compete with a porn actress who gambles her life in order to keep the contract.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 August 2013):
 You know, you say you try to be open-minded. Maybe it's time to open his mind and feed him a little common sense.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 August 2013):
"Babe, I am what I am. I am either beautiful and attractive to you, right now, at this moment in time, or I am not. If you want to compare me to women in porn, then do it in your own head. I am not 20, I am not 30, I have the body of a woman my age. It's my body. I love it, I love what it can do and how it feels. I love how it feels when it's with you.
"Now, either you choose to be with the me that I am now, and MEAN it, or you can let me go, so I can find a man who appreciates me, just the way I am now.
"I have worked hard and tried to lose weight, and I have. If you are trying to 'encourage' me to continue, then you need to rethink your strategy.
"That comment you made, during sex, watching the porn movie, expecting me to have the body of a much younger woman? Um, helloooo? Do you lack some basic common sense here? It has me very worried for you, and for us.
"Now let's have a bit of a chat about that, or would you like to fall on your knees and grovel, as you may suddenly realize that you have made a HUGE sexual and emotional blunder?"
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (13 August 2013):
 lol his comment completely lacked tact and was really stupid on his behalf. i swear, what would possess someone to say something so dumb? you have every right to be pissed. i would drop it, though, as i don't think he meant it to hurt you. i just think he had a big time foot in mouth moment.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2013): Wise Owl already covered the kind of help porn stars have to look "good" so I won't get into that. Your boyfriend obviously isn't aware of this. He probably thinks they roll out of bed in the morning looking like that. I would be quite concerned with the fact he feels the need to look at porn while having sex with you. The fact he compared you to the porn star shows he indeed watches it to lust over the women, and is not just watching it for the acts. If you marry him, it will only get worse. Not only will you have to put up with being compared to porn stars, but he'll probably ogle women in public right in front of you, and that can be quite embarrassing.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2013): Everything that WiseOwlE said....with bells on!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2013): It doesn't hurt to keep the weight down. As we get older we have to dodge diabetes, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, stroke, and heart disease. So losing weight is not a bad thing, when you do it for your over-all health.
The problem is, women starve instead of eating proper diet.
Then complain about the struggle. Do it for the right reasons, and in the right way.
If you're eating according to a good diet plan suggested by your doctor or a nutritionist; and making sure you add walking, jogging, or any type of cardio; you're going to benefit for your own good.
Avoid too much sugar, eat fresh fruits and veggies, avoid fried foods, no fast food, and treat yourself at the end of the week with whatever you like.
I weigh the same I weighed at 20, and serving in the Air Force. I workout and eat right. I do this for my own good.
It is part of my life-style, and how I was raised. Mama grew her own vegetable garden, we had fruit trees, and I kept up the tradition.
It will keep you more active as you get older, and improve your sex-life. It gives you stamina. *wink!* *wink!*
You are mature enough to dismiss something a man says that just comes across as just plain stupid. I suspect you're starving yourself instead of proper diet and exercise; because people try to achieve speedy results. When the weight returns, it returns more than you had before. So keep that in mind.
I'm tired of telling people about comparing themselves to skinny models, or people who spend every dime they've earned on liposuction, plastic surgery, and implants. They also spend five days a week in a gym;, because they make porn movies. They are not ordinary everyday people.
They are taking short-cuts and using drugs, and everything else to keep their weight down, or they don't get work. They get fat and disappear into oblivion, or go into rehab; because of a life of doing things that ultimately damage their liver, and other vital organs.
The other factor is youth. Those females sometimes look older for wear (or heavy makeup); but they are often only 18 to 25 years old. So keeping fit and active is all they do between making movies. Otherwise; they'll get no work in that industry. They look awful after only a few years.
So taking someone seriously when they compare you to something artificial, enhanced with lighting and camera angles, makeup, and sucking in their guts; makes you the foolish one for listening.
No one is to blame for your poor self-image but you. If you don't appreciate who you are, no one else will either. You'll settle for A-holes who compare you to human blow-up dolls in wanker-videos.
When you were in grade school, something mean that someone said may upset you. It could make you bow, or break under peer pressure. That was because you were young and didn't know any better. You've had dozens of years to fix that.
I don't buy into this self-flagellation and pounding yourself into the ground to please someone else, once we are grown up. You are an adult, well-experienced, and you know better.
I am a gay man. I can walk upright, pay my own bills, volunteer my time to help others, worship God, and treat others as I want to be treated. I learned to like who I am.
Anyone who has ever been in my personal life, would know that I'm not going to ask anything of them, that I wouldn't do for them in return.
Even the guy who dumped me; admitted in earnest, that I deserved someone better. He feared long-term commitment, and was afraid to be judged for some bad traits he kept hidden. I didn't like his passive-aggressive approach.
He would never show his true feelings. You can't build trust on that. I've decided to move on and get over him.
I took him for his word, I haven't looked back. He can go. I can live bad all by myself. I don't need any help there. I've got God, family, and friends; and you wonderful readers out there.
Gays can marry now. I'm not sprinting to the alter. When I'm ready, I'm going to walk; and take my sweet time getting there. I may not be getting any younger; but I'm learning and getting smarter. I learn from our readers everyday. Marriage is for keeps, and divorces are expensive and horrible.
You are bargaining with this guy for marriage; because you are desperate. He's no prize.
Just so you can say you have a man, you would put yourself through hell?
Honey, you don't "earn" a wedding ring, it is given to you by the man who loves you enough to make you a part of his life, to the end of his life. Or until divorce, whichever comes first. If you want a pretty diamond, by yourself one.
Then you can have it mounted next to the one he "gives" you.
Does he make a lot of cash, treat you like an equal, and stick by you through thick and thin? Does he support the things you do, celebrate your accomplishments, and brag about you to his friends? Does he go out of his way to show you how much he appreciates you, and respect your opinions?
Does he have a big penis?
If I'm going to starve myself, and put myself through the wringer; these are the traits that sucker better have, or he can kiss my ass.
No guy with the traits I described would compare you to anyone; because he is happy with the lady he has. He would know better than to say anything to put you down, or to hurt your feelings. If we slip an hurt people by mistake, that is forgivable. It is human.
What your man said was stupid and cruel.
If he wanted you to lose weight, he would have suggested it for the sake of your health, and would have helped you through the process. He would eat what you eat, and exercise right next to you. He would do the things he could to please you as well. If he was already doing it himself, he could have showed you how.
You all can bash men all you like. Take responsibility for the type of men you chose to be with, and how far you're willing to go to keep them. Don't be fool for a fool.
Marriage is only good, when you have a good and loving partner. Adding "Mrs." and that dick's last name ain't worth it; if you don't get all the benefits I suggested above.
Women are more concerned about the calendar, than who they attach their lives to.
If that is the case; then don't complain.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2013): I grew up in a house where my father constantly discussed the physical features of other woman with my mother. After a while, it destroyed her confidence and their marriage.It sounds like your guy doesn't make these kinds of comments very often (or else you wouldn't be here asking if you are overreacting). Perhaps you shouldn't make too big a deal of this, at least not right now. However, if he starts to behave as if there is a "green light" for these kinds of comments and begins making them more often, you might want to put your foot down and tell him that he is being inappropriate.My mother didn't, and it cost her a lot in the end.If you want to keep the tone light, but still show him the error of his ways, you can always tell him this: "Okay, I'll try to get a body as good as hers. Speaking of which, have you seem those porn guys? Maybe you can try to get a penis as big as theirs??"I bet that will make him think twice. ;-)
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (12 August 2013):
 What a lovely boyfriend! Maybe you could tell him sex is off until he changes to look like Brad Pitt?
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000 +, writes (12 August 2013):
 Does your boyfriend have a great body to match the male actor in the movie, or is he as well endowed? Next time you watch porn together do a comparison and see how he likes it.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 August 2013):
 Gawd how does he manage to put one foot in front of the other?
Honey he has NO FILTER... I am sure he was just saying what was running through his brain...
IF on the other hand he truly believes you can or SHOULD look like a 20 something porn star, I'd reconsider his expectations of you or any woman he is with.
Personally, I would have called him on it. I would have gotten up out of our bed, gotten dressed and said "if you want a body like that, I suggest you date her or another porn star. IF you want a REAL life with a REAL woman, then you need to learn to accept what real life has to offer or be alone for the rest of your life. When you are ready to apologize for being stupid I'm ready to hear it."
then i would have walked out of the room and if you do not live together, I would have left.
in a perfect world.
In my world I would have rolled over and cried over my not living up to my idiot husband's expectations. that is the passive aggressive way.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (12 August 2013):
 Men. One wonders how they manage to get around having one foot permanently stuck in their mouths.
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