A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:This is kind of embarassing for me even though it is anonymous, but here it goes. My husband and I have been split up for a little while now. It just seemed as if we couldn't spend 2 minutes without getting into an arguement anymore. Since this was the second time around for us we both decided maybe it just wasn't meant to be. At first, there was a lot of pointing fingers and who's right and who's wrong. I think it didn't take either one of us long to come to the conclusion of who cares. The other night I was missing him and since we have been making it through necessary conversations without getting into fights latley, I thought I would give hanging out a try. I am not stupid, I knew that sex was probably going to happen when I called him and I was not opposed to the idea. When we were having sex though I thought it was great since I hadn't had it in a while, it kind of felt like it did when we first got together. He on the other hand, said it was great, but I almost felt like he was just being polite. He seemed like he was having a hard time keeping an eriction. He kept stopping me and saying lets take a break and go smoke a cigertte, I want this to last, but I am not so sure that was it. He is a good looking guy and I did't think that he would go very long being single because he does not like to be alone, but we have not been split up all that long for him to be in love with anybody. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't have thought he would have replaced me this quickly at all. I almost felt as if he was with somebody that he was so attracted to that he was no longer attracted to me. Was he having pity sex with me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI guess that he did not really expect that behavior out of me since I have always been an all or nothing kind of person. He was probably expecting the sex to come with negoiation talks. I'll always love him, but it just isn't in me to work it out anymore either. I am just not ready to hit the singles sceen yet and I really was just feeling lonley and didn't want to be alone. I supose I better not do that again, I was a little bit confused about how I felt the next day too. Thank you, I do feel better now knowing that I was not turning off my own husband.
A
male
reader, Tomas +, writes (18 February 2009):
Pity isn't the first thing that would jump to mind.
If you went over, and were crying and generally made him feel like a jerk, then maybe. But if you two were having a good time, enjoying one another's company, I'd be more inclined to think it was deeply-mixed-feelings sex. And mixed feelings can make you want to stop from time to time, and can take your mind off the sex ("what if we were to get pregnant" etc) hindering erections.
Especially if you two have broken up twice, there are probably both positive and negative feelings there, and how he reacts to sex would likely be based on both those mixed feelings, plus how he feels about getting (somewhat) involved a third time.
I certainly wouldn't think it was a reflection on you yourself. Sounds more like you are both on an emotional rollercoaster, and this snapshot had you at the top and him somewhere in the middle. I wouldn't read too much into any one day or event.
Best wishes
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