A
female
age
30-35,
*estephe3
writes:It’s almost been a year now that I first met my coach I would soon grow to admire and still do to this day. Here’s my (long) recap: Before tryouts, I had no clue what to expect from him, but I’d heard that he’s pretty fun to be around, etc. (He’s a pretty popular teacher). Anyway, after tryouts had ended and we found out who made the team or not, I began to feel comfortable around him and I liked how easy it was to talk to him because of how understanding he was with things I’d tell him. About a couple weeks into our practices, I began staying after a little longer with a couple of my teammates to work on a couple things and he’d stay with us. During these practice times, he’d come over by me and ask me stuff or just joke around, which I thought was kind of cool for him to do. (I’d never had a coach/teacher act that way to me before). Anyway, it was the day of our first game and it was a pretty cold day. He had brought 2 heavy jackets of his along, in case anyone wanted/needed to wear one to warm up. He told only me to put one on, because to him, I looked cold, but I refused because I would’ve felt weird to do so. (I know that’s kind of weird to share, but I thought that was odd of him to just ask me to wear one of the jackets). On the bus ride back to school after that game, he kept standing up and looking back at us, and whenever I’d look up, I’d see him looking directly at me! (That’s when I first started to have weird feelings about him). I continued to stay after practices to work on things with him, but I didn’t feel as comfortable around him now. Unlike before when he’d just walk by me and chat about things, etc., he now began to come very close to me, almost too close and chat with me, or show me how to do things correctly, (which included touching my arm/hand). During one of our practices he even took me by the arm and put his arm around me to show me where I was supposed to be during that particular play. At the time, I just noticed he was kind of treating me a little differently from everyone else, so that’s why I began to question some things. I didn’t feel he wanted to hurt me or try to do anything to me, but I didn’t feel the same about him as I had at the beginning of the season. But, after the loss of one of his kids, I put every negative thought/feeling about him and what he’d done, behind me. Of course I felt horrible looking back on what for the past couple weeks I thought he had been doing was wrong ( and a little creepy) and was feeling ashamed of myself. My teammates and I went to the wake, missed school for the funeral, and even went over to his house afterwards to check up on him. I didn’t really like the fact we would be going over to his house, but I was forced into going with the rest of my team. But that’s when I started to admire him as a caring, older man who wasn’t out to get me. As we were all leaving his house, he stopped me to ask how things were going with me. (He was gone for a good 2-3 weeks and I’d gotten hurt in one of our games, so I missed a week or so of games). The fact that he’d asked me that with everything he was going through at the time completely shocked me. To know he’d even remember that small thing about me at a time like that was absolutely amazing to me and I’ll be honest, I felt extremely honored he’d thought of that. When he first came back, I didn’t think the way I’d had about him earlier in the season, but that feeling began creeping back to me a couple weeks after his return. He continued with the things he’d done before his absence…(talking/standing by me very close, touching my hand/arm, praising me more than my other teammates, giving me more playing time). Part of me liked that he was playing me more and congratulating me on things more than everyone else, but the other part of me didn’t. I wasn’t so sure about our “bond” anymore. I had days where I’d feel excited to see him and days I didn’t want to see him at all, be that at a practice or game. The same things continued with our practices and I just learned to ignore them. After looking back on last year and the time I’d spent with him (at practices/games), I do feel he has made a huge impact on my life for the better. He’s an amazing role model and I really look up to him. I love him for who he is and I realized that the things I thought he was doing wrongly to me, were only his way of showing “affection”, I guess… Today, when I pass him in the hall during school, he’ll always smile, say hi, or wave to me. At the end of the school year last year, I even had him sign my yearbook. He wrote that he’d loved getting to know me and looks forward to having me on a team or in a class in the future. I thought that was nice of him to write. But what I’m trying to ask is…Was all of this that I went through admiration or love? I felt that we did share a good coach-athlete relationship and I’m sad that this year I won’t have him as a coach. (He’s moving to a different level in the sport I play). But he’s been at some of the gym practices prior to the season that I’ve gone to, which makes me think back to last year and reminds me how much I enjoyed having him as a coach. I’d greatly appreciate any advice for what I should do this season with not having him as a coach and I’d like to know what your opinions are about be just admiring him, or actually having a “crush” on him. Thanks. (Sorry this was sooo long, too).
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2010): It sounds like young infatuation. I also think you may be reading into his actions too much. You're obviously a favorite on the team and from what I read it doesn't seem like your relationship with him is anything more than coach/player. This is just a crush. The thing you're talking about is on a whole different level.
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