A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So here goes : I've been seeing this guy since september 2011. In December of the same year he moved to the US, and I currently live in Canada. We've been dating ever since and the distance was not a problem up until lately. He's had financial issues and as a consequence, he cannot visit as often as he used to. I doubled, if not tripled the frequency of time I visited for a good 6 months but I cannot sustain that rythm (financially wise and it also starts becoming detrimental on my university grades). He asked me to move in with him for this summer to make a test trial and see if we could move in together after I graduate next year and If I saw my life in his city. Everything was settled, I found a school to attend during the summer so I would get a visa allowing me to stay for that many months (to add to our struggle, i'm an international student). I was accepted in the school but since his city is only a "temporary" location for the school they do not provide student visas which would make me a "violator of immigration rules" meaning I would not get a visa in 2014 when I was planning to move in with him permanently. Because I Need to do this summer program to apply to masters degree in the Us, and get a visa there next year, and thus move in the same city as his, I have to spend the summer apart. I am afraid he will leave me from exhaustion, getting tired of the distance and feeling it will never end. We are finally getting closer to the end of the "long distance thing" but each time we feel like we find a solution for me to move in the US with him and get a visa, more difficulties come our way. How can I make him understand that these 2 months we'd spend apart this summer would insure me to move in with him in one year instead of getting deported? I don't want him to feel like i'm afraid to "try" to live with him this summer and am running away from any serious step. In your experience, am I right to take a leap of faith and move in with him in a city I don't know that well after 2 years? (will make 3 when I'll move, if I do) And should I abandon the summer school and figure things out as they come, even if it might be riskier in the long run? I love him oh so very much. He is my rock in this continent, and even when I go back to my country, surrounded by my family and all, I feel terribly lonely if he's not there. But I also know that those are important decisions and that love sometimes makes you blind. I need some objective advice. please help.
View related questions:
university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (14 February 2013):
 Oh LDRs are so hard and being so far apart as to not be able to see each other regularly would make me crazy.
You need the program to further your education and your career and eventually your future. This is clearly a case of delayed gratification and something being worth the hardship…
Sadly it was HIS choice to move and take a “volunteer” position. My first husband did this. He was not getting paid. The company eventually went under. By then he had found a job that actually paid him. My mother actually said to him “volunteerism is NOT a career” I assume he’s not much older than you and that could explain why he did that. It was not really a great plan was it?
So now he can’t afford to visit you and expects YOU to pay the expenses? Are you not splitting the expenses? If not, are you doing all the rowing of this relationship boat?
You say you THINK he’s getting… do you KNOW how he feels? Have you ASKED HIM if he was willing to delay being together in the short run for the long term goal or are you just assuming…. HOW can you get him to see and understand… YOU TALK TO HIM and TELL HIM EXACTLY what you told us.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell unfortunately he is working. He's employed in a Start-up company that as of now don't have the funds to pay him yet... hence the financial issues so he cannot really move this summer. I tried to explain it all to him, exactly in that way, but I think he is getting exhausted of the whole distance thing. I think he's loosing hope of me ever coming to the US. Even if I did the summer school during his 2 weeks of holiday, the summer school would be in New York and the living costs there are pretty expensive. I'm pretty sure he couldn't afford it right now.
...............................
A
male
reader, chairmanLMAO  +, writes (14 February 2013):
 If you need the summer school to do your masters, not doing it is not an option. Do the summer school.
Have you spoken to your boyfriend about all this? What does he think of it all? Have you explained everything to him the way you explained it to us or are you just stressing out inside your head?
And what's he doing over the summer? Is he working? Maybe you guys could find a summer school you could go to, and then he could come to that particular location just for the season and work a summer job to deal with his financial issues. That way you could be together all summer and have an interesting new experience together, as well as finding out how it would be to live together.
...............................
|
