A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i approached a girl at a club and i asked if i could have a chat with her. enthusiastically she said "yea why not, but leme talk to my friends first cuz we're leavin soon, so i'l be back". after a couple of minutes i noticed she was around me with her friend and she didnt say anything although she looked at me. i didnt approach her cuz i didnt want to seem needy. my mate says her friend "cock-blocked" her. i believe that. why are u females so insecure? its nothing of her friend's business otherwise she shouldnt be at a club.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2009): oh my, syferfire, thats hilarious! and so true!
A
female
reader, shaniquas3  +, writes (9 June 2009):
she prolly didnt want to be mean and said yeah..when she really wanted to say no..ignoring you so that u would get the message to get away from her..duh.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (8 June 2009):
 Chicks go in packs to be there for each other. Trust me, brother, if she had really been interested and wanted to talk to you, she would have come back to talk to you - even if her girlfriends were encouraging her not to. She made her choice.
Maybe you got "cock-blocked", but the end of the story is she didn't come back to chat. Maybe you came off as one of 'those guys' at the club who go around chatting up girls to see if you can get her to come home with you... and maybe she wasn't into that. Or, maybe her girlfriends talked her out of talking to you... oh well. Get over it and move on to the next gal!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2009): Yeh.. Club scene you are unlikely to find just lone girls wandering around. In the club, you have to socialize with the whole group they are with, and charm the friend next to her otherwise the friend WILL block you like an offensive lineman. But... not charm the friend too much otherwise she will get in your way in a different way altogether. Its just...bleh. That's why wing men are helpful.
Not to mention the hottest ones have throngs of guys around them already that you have to wade through to even get a word in.
That, added to the pack of henpecking female friends she has makes the whole experience something like a surreal sort of gauntlet just to get to the prize.
This is probably why I don't do clubs so much. Last time I pulled a female from a club it was exhausting! Its a lot of work. And it ideally SHOULD be play, no? Separating the hot one from the average ones when they are all like, bound at the hip, all the while fending off a jostling horde of testosterone infused dudes aiming for the same thing is not my idea of a relaxing time. Where is the chill factor in that?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2009): We girls have a pact to look out for each other. You would have more luck if you talked to her and her friend, obviously more attention on the girl you like. She obviously thought she had a lucy escape if you just ignored her
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2009): This won't be the last time you have to deal with this situation. I'm not sure why it happens, but plenty of women decide to appoint themselves as their friends' minders-cum-bodyguards when they're out together. It seems utterly preposterous to men, who would almost never intervene to stop their friends going off with a girl if they see fit, but it happens.
I've lost count of the amount of times a girl has seemed entirely willing to (let's say) spend further time with me, only to be quite forcefully ordered to basically get up and go home by some invariably miserable-looking friend (or friends) of hers. When it happens, there's no point losing sleep over it.
The female responses here are intriguing: Satin and Emily, two of the wisest and most consistently pleasant of Cupid's army of agony aunts, both say that the girl who took it upon herself to burst your ball was 'protecting her' and 'looking out for her', then go on to basically infer that you only wanted to sleep with her (it certainly doesn't sound like you were averse to the idea). Hence Emily's astonishing assertion that 'a lot of guys out there will slip something in your drink'. It doesn't matter how ridiculous the idea is...the point is, if enough girls believe it to be the case, this will influence their behaviour.
It takes two to get laid, and as I say, most men will never be able to understand this over-protective behaviour (I'm broadly in agreement with your statement that 'it's none of her friend's business'), but it happens all the time.
As far as I can gather, 'girls' nights out' seem to be a deal whereby the girls go out with either the agreed intention, or the explicit non-intention, of picking up men - so if her mates aren't on the pull, they sure as hell aren't going to let one of their friends pull. I'm generalising here, and of course it doesn't apply all the time, but nonetheless I've seen it happen several dozen times.
Not much you can do, and no point worrying about it. If a girl REALLY wants to be with you, she will. Girls generally have the power of choosing their partner, which only a minority of men are in a position to do. The woman ALWAYS chooses.
And yes, it can work the other way - if a bunch of her friends are very impressed with you, and are singing your praises to her and telling her to 'go for it', your chances are obviously increased.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2009): Um... excuse me lad but "why are females insecure?"
insecurity isn't a trait that's exclusively female. Prehaps you should begin by working on your personality and stop this stereotypical, sexist, self-ritouse behaviour.
You sound a bit insecure yourself. You didn't talk to her again because you dind't want to seem needy. That right there is tryong to appear to be a stronger version of yourself.
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (8 June 2009):
 I think you are the insecure one here! Why are you having to find a lone girl to chat up are you too insecure to ask her and her friends if they'd like a drink?
I always found that if you are charming to her friends you will have a much higher chance of pulling in the long run.
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A
female
reader, marie1982 +, writes (8 June 2009):
hi ya some of us girls are insure when we first meet a bloke because a)were shy n not sure how to talk 2 a guy if u get me basically 2 nervios n b)we dont know you so anyfing cud happen to us ie u hear bout guys attackin women everyday of the week (not sayin ur like that!!!) but if a girl feels nervious she hides wiv her mates to feel safe esp if shes been drinking so to speak,i know its a pain n if u really wanna talk 2 her go ova n talk to her wiv her mates there she will fink it quite sweet u made the effort to face her friends to say hi n chat n hun if she dnt want to talk she wud just say bye or something like that, i know i do it lol
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (8 June 2009):
Hang on you are saying that the only girls that should be in clubs are ones that are single and willing to go off with any guy who comes along?
Her mate was LOOKING OUT FOR HER. Maybe she was a bit drunk! Maybe she had just split up with her boyfriend that day and a bit vulnerable!
You look after your friends because a lot of guys out there will slip something in your drink, or take you outside and then push you too far.
You look after your friends because that is the best defence we girls have.
Her friend had a reason. You don't know what that was and stop moaning.
Good Luck!! xx
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