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anonymous
writes: I am a male, almost 64 years old and in love with a girl one year younger. We have been courting for two and half years and engaged for two years. I love her dearly and she says she loves me but will not give me a date for marriage or co-habiting.One big problem is, her father. He is almost 89, very incontinent and relies on my fiance' for daily care. I am quite willing to share the responsibility with her believing that two will be able to cope better than one. I think the world of her father and get on very well with him.My fiance' makes many excuses for not naming the day. Her track record (she has had 3 long term relationships before mine and they were all drunken bullies), the health of her father, and the fact that we are both on disability pensions with the usual rebates which go with them.Sometimes, I think she is using me as a child with a toy, to be discarded whenever it suits. We live 94 miles apart and I usually travel by train to stay with her for a week or two each month.For my part, I am deeply in love with this girl and wish to share the remainder of my life with her. My sons both think the world of her and she reciprocates. She is a very caring person completely devoted to the welfare of her father, which I admire. At times, she is in agony with her complaint but always manages to put the welfare of others first.But, how long must I wait for her to agree to marry or live together permanently.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A reader, Katy Smith, writes (22 February 2005): Hi, I know what you mean, it must be really hard for you to have waited that long with her and still be waiting with her to make up her mind. But, if you say you truly love her, and you feel that she feels the same way back, then what is the problem? Why are you so keen on getting married? She is yours already and you two are together, isnt that what counts? Maybe she is not ready for marriage, or maybe she is scared of it for some particular reasons. Why dont you try talking to her about this, sit yourselves down and have a long nice talk about both of your feelings and the future. You just might learn something new about your loved one!Be patient and let her tell you her feelings. The main thing is to talk here. Communication will get everything out in the open and ever doubt JUST might disapear! She seems like a lovely person and so do you, I can see that the two of you are in love and you just might be made for eachother ... just because you might be coming to an end of your journey in life doesnt mean you have to rush and make sure that you have done everything you wanted in life! You really need to start enjoying your life more and looking at things in a different way i.e. take a look at a little thing and appreciate it for being in your life. Like this person, how happy does she make you? How does it feel when she is near you? When the two of you kiss? When you look at one another and talk about your day? Things like that need to be looked about and talked about more! It seems to me that the two of you dont really talk about things as such and you dont seems to have spoken to her about this. About what you have just written above! You really need to let her know how you are feeling and find out what she is feeling in this situation and why. Go deeper into the conversation, because then it will only help you and her!Good Luck in the following future!
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